Why do other people’s perceptions of you matter

We tend to think that the way we perceive ourselves is the same as others perceive us.

If I consider myself a generous person so do others.

If I consider myself a reliable person so do the others.

If I consider myself an un-successful person so do the others.

The reality is far from the truth. Everyone has their personal view of the world and perceives things, situations and people in different ways.

And we acknowledge this personal point of view as the unique truth. We’re so focused on ourselves and the way we perceive things that we disregard any other possible point of view.

It is not that we do it on purpose; we do it unconsciously.

This mismatch in how we see the world is the reason why some people:

• See opportunities where others see problems
• See beauty where others see ugliness
• See genius where others see madness.

This mismatch is also the cause of misunderstandings, inability to agree with each other and conflicts.

Let’s consider social relationships.

If you ever said that in case of need, no matter what, you’ll help a friend economically — you better keep that promise.

Even if you said a quick phrase like “Don’t worry if you ever need help you can always ask” randomly.

Otherwise what will happen is your friend starts seeing you as not as trustworthy and reliable as he thought you were.

His perception of you starts to shift.

The word perception is key here. It is not that you aren’t trustworthy or reliable anymore; your action made your trustworthiness and reliability diminish in the eyes of others.

“Yes ok, but I know that I am still trustworthy and reliable”.

That’s right. But if people don’t perceive you like that, how do you expect them to come to you another time when they need help?

If people don’t trust you, can you consider yourself trustworthy?

If people see you as a person who doesn’t maintain his promises, can you consider yourself reliable?

Probably not, or at least not as much as you think you are.

It goes the same with sales and marketing.

Let’s say you’re the best in the world at doing what you do.

The moment the client signs one of your gigs you always deliver the best service in the world. You know you have the best service, you know there is no one else there as good as you.

But even so, if you’re not capable of projecting it (into your landing pages, into your content and communication) in a way that others perceive it as something valuable and unique, you’re not going to close any client.

You are the best, but if others don’t see you like this, you aren’t.

Leonardo Da Vinci was one the best minds that ever touched the ground on the earth.

He was one of the greatest painters of the Italian Renaissance. But also an incredible scientist and inventor who conducted dozens of carefully thought-out experiments and created futuristic inventions that were groundbreaking for the time.

And yet if none of Medici’s tycoons acknowledged the fact that he was a genius and could provide so much value to them, he would have died unknown in his cellar with all his experiments.

Let’s consider now the opposite side. Scammers for example.

Their core values are poor, they don’t care about their scams’ impact on people’s lives, and they try to trick you with subtle strategies.

If you know how these people really are, you would never fall into a scam. Isn’t it?

But most of the time they’re so good at making people perceive them as trustworthy, reliable and generous that they are able to complete the scams.

Jordan Belfort, the Wolf of Wall Street is a great example here.

He sold people junk stocks because, with his sales skills, he was able to create in the mind of the person on the other line of the phone a picture of a professional, trustworthy consultant who was offering a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.

Was he good and trustworthy? No.

Was he perceived as good and trustworthy? Yes, the best one.

So people’s perception of you is important.

If well-managed, you’ll be able to:

• Have stronger and deeper relationships
• Create for yourself a world of new opportunities
• Have a reference on what you can improve

So, how do you bridge the gap between who you are and how people perceive you?

Acknowledge the fact that we have different visions of the world

You are already doing so by reading this newsletter down to this point, but you have to keep reminding yourself about it.

When your friend starts to behave differently toward you: ask yourself what action you have taken to make him/her behave this way. Understand how he/she could have perceived it. If nothing comes to mind him/her directly. Then, adjust.

When the client you’re trying to sign doesn’t trust you: ask yourself the way he could possibly perceive you. Is it that you don’t showcase professionalism? or your offer doesn’t seem appealing to him? Then, adjust.

When you get burnt by a scammer or a bad situation: ask yourself how you can perceive the reality differently next time to avoid it. Then, adjust.

First impressions count

I don’t know about you, but they always told me “The cowl doesn’t make the monk.” Saint truth but most of the time it helps. And it helps a lot.

Wearing a suit instead of a scrappy t-shirt and shorts makes people perceive you as more authoritative, knowledgeable, and confident.

Having a beautifully designed website makes visitors perceive your business/personal brand as professional, structured, and trustworthy.

Smiling during a first encounter with a person makes it perceive you as friendly, caring and positive.

So if your date didn’t go as expected or your website doesn’t convert try to think objectively about what first impressions you are giving to people.

Do you think you have expressed what you know you are (caring, good, friendly) to the other person through the way you talked or the way you presented yourself?

Do you think you have projected the value you can provide to others through the UX/UI of your landing pages?

If you dig deeper, you can always find something you could have done better.

Be mindful of what you say

When you say anything about what you will do/perform for people you create an expectation in their brain.

They most probably act and behave taking into consideration that they have your support. They base their actions (note: non-action is still acting) on the expectations they have on you.

The moment you miss meeting this expectation they have with you is the moment where conflicts, loss of trust, and resentment start.

It takes so much effort for people to look at things objectively.

If you hadn’t met that expectation, you would have had your own reasons. So in reality, it is not your fault.

Even so, we must try to be aware of what we communicate to others. We must be very precise about what to expect from us and what not.

Words are powerful tools; they can do good, or they can harm. So choose them wisely.

Show who you are with action

Action is better than 10,000 words.

No matter how many times you say to your partner “I love you”, if you don’t show and prove your love with daily actions he/she will not feel loved.

No matter what results you promise to bring to your clients, if you don’t act and bring the results.

No matter how much you shout to the world “I am worthy,” if you don’t show your worth acting upon and surpassing your obstacles.

It’s better to stay quiet and let the actions you take daily speak for themselves.

I’m not saying you don’t have to talk loudly about what you’re going to do. But the moment you do, you must live by those words.

So, to give you a quick recap, to align other people’s perception of you with what you want to showcase to the world:

• Remember everyone has their own vision of the world
• Make the first impression of yourself count
• Be mindful of what you say
• Show who you are with action

That’s all I have for the newsletter number 1. I hope it gave you some insights or sparked something in your mind.

I’ve just started this creator journey. I still have a lot to study, to learn and to practice.

Feel free to share any feedback by replying to this email or drop me a message on socials. I’m always available to chat with some like-minded person about the content I share.

1% better every day.

Thanks for reading.

Jacopo