Well I am sitting on my bathroom floor at 2:05 am because I am being smothered by my 3 kids that demand to sleep with me every night and I am too self absorbed and depressed to put out the energy to get them sleeping in their own rooms. Though that is not the point of this response.
I am a 38 year old female from a tiny little town named Napoleonville in Assumption Parish, Louisiana and my passion, expression, medication, has always been music. I listened tonight to an interview that you did and in it you talked about being happy regardless of where you are in terms of fame or acceptance/appreciation of your art and trying to be liked by the public only fucked you up and didn’t let you thrive spiritually/truthfully through your music. It hit home. It hits home. Feeling inadequate. Not enough. Never enough. Being judged by people that thought that I wasn’t cool or I was trying to be somebody that I am not. Trying to make other people who pushed “fame” and record deals on me to the point of Losing myself in the fear that i would never be accepted and liked by everyone who heard my music — or anyone for that matter. It truly ruined me. I couldn’t write anymore because everything that I wrote was looked at through my “but will anybody like this” glasses. And the answer was always of course they won’t. I couldn’t perform anymore without being drunk and then it got to the point where I only played for the bar tab. I had no interest in it anymore. Not even for myself — which is obviously where it began in the first place.
And here I am now — 20 years later and drowning in the regrets that I let that get to me. I let negativity take away my desires and passions in life. I LET it rob me. And don’t get me wrong, there were people, plenty of people, who loved my music and believed in me, but they couldn’t reach me. They couldn’t get past that negative bias.
I actually didn’t even want to listen to music anymore after I gave up making it. I went months and years without touching my guitar.
And then here comes smule sing and a little guy named Mike Posner singing a song that I recognized from the radio (only it was stripped down — exactly the way I like my music). I even got to sing with you. 😜 And I began researching you on the Internet and found live videos and I could just feel your emotion. It pulled out my insides (I know that sounds really creepy but it’s the only way to describe the way I feel when I am moved by art). Like a crushing feeling, painful, but not painful. A power. Idk. I probably sound crazy now. Anyway, and that took me to where I am now. Sitting on my bathroom floor, listening to the heavy breathing of my sleeping children, dreaming about what could’ve been, and taking solace in a few words that I’ve picked up from you: You are exactly where you are supposed to be right now.
Thank you for you. Your music means a whole lot to a whole bunch of people out there regardless of those few negative nancies. Now listen to me sing with you (awkwardly) dammit!
Listen to Mike Posner - I Took A Pill In Ibiza (Original Version) recorded on the Sing! Karaoke app by MikePosner and…www.smule.com
Please use headphones!!!!!! Otherwise it sounds shitty. 😜