A letter I’ll never send. really am just speaking w some hope of resolution here. I don’t mean to cause conflict, but you really have been a shitty brother to me. I never had a good example of what a man should be, and I do have compassion for you because of course we have the same father, but you’re enlightened. You’re in recovery. You know better, and you STILL blatantly disrespect me and and disregard me and see me as some sort of threat to your existence. You never protected me. You were just always so weak and wounded and self absorbed I guess. It just sucks sometimes always having to be the “mature” strong one. Obviously I have to leave my resentment and bitterness at some point. It’s only going to hurt me in the end. But I just want you to know that the way you have treated me has not been ok. When you left the house on Burroughs, w no communication, took the couches and pretty much everything YOU wanted, I was very much affected. That’s when everything hit me. I was triggered. I couldn’t sleep for WEEKS. And all I could do was try to be the bigger person. I knew you were using still. I knew you were sick still. I had to do what I knew best to do, and push through the overwhelment and pain and loss. And All the completely shit hole boyfriends I had, you never cared. You always behaved like such a self absorbed little kid yourself, how could you say or be anything in such a situation? And I get that. I get it all. It just sucks. You blew up on me for going to damn chilly cookout w your girlfriends family when I was fucking pregnant and about to move across the country. You talked mad shit about your relationship w the mother of your child to me, like that’s not going to have me worried sick about the situation your in, and then just act like it never happened.You lied multiple times about coming out here to meet your niece. You fucking made it literally impossible for me to meet my nephew. And then you just text me, randomly about some random ass shit. Like nothing ever happened. Like my feelings are irrelevant. Being all oblivious and detached from reality. Am I being overly sensitive here? I really don’t think so. I’ve done a lot of soul searching and changing this last couple of years, a LOT of letting go, and when you try to forcibly make some bullshit weak ass texting conversation w me because your jealous of my lifestyle, THAT is what hurts the most. The fact that my gut is right. The fact that you really do just suck. You really can’t just be a good person. You really do still behave like an addict. You give me attention and robotically pretend to “bond” only when I have something you want. Not out of love. Not out of concern. Not out of generosity. It’s Out of pure selfishness. No apologies, hardly even any acknowledgement of anything. at all. I know we have suffered great losses together, and we’ll always have that. Idk I guess it just sucks always trying to find deeper meaning in relationships and being let down every time. I used to feel so much love when I thought of you. Now it only gives me this uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. So idk, I guess if you care to “bond”, there’s that. I am a woman. I powerful woman of great strength, value and worth. Compassionate. A beautiful person, inside and out. A blessing to have in anyone’s life. Treat me as such or leave me the fuck alone.

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