5 Reasons Porn is Destroying Your Life
WHY YOU SHOULD QUIT PORN
The internet is blamed for a lot of things. Some would go as far as to argue that all our problems have some distant connection to the internet, these statements are false! The internet, as clever as its apps and self learning auxiliaries are getting, does not make the decisions and does not control the algorithms.
The internet has revolutionised our lives. It has the potential to act as the foundation for an interstellar human-kind, as more blocks are build upon the internet our dreams drift casually into a reality. The internet is evolving faster than any of us could imagine, and much faster than you and I could hope to evolve. So if the internet is not to blame for all of our internet related problems, what is?
Human beings have this inert desire to blame anything, or anyone, but themselves. The truth hurts but let’s rip the band-aid off, the fault is yours! Yours, mine, your Dad as he stands there screaming at the computer while the WIFI remains turned off. Yes! Porn fits firmly under the category of ‘YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.’
Why is porn so big? Because the market (US!) dictates that it is! The destructive forces of porn are not the fault of the internets, the actors, the anal, the fetishes, or the poor clean-up crew. You have an addiction to porn? You alone are responsible for eliminating that addiction!
I spent my twenties consuming all of the drugs, drinking like a fish, and testing my bodies necessity for sleep. What was my addiction? My addiction was pornography, laugh now but it destroyed my life, my relationships, and the resulting depression almost resulted in a roadside clean up — Yes! Porn is destroying your life. Here are five reasons to quit.
1- Porn Destroys Your Determination & Drive
All great things are built through hard work, patience, and delayed gratification. What is delayed gratification? Gratification is the reward received for engaging in a habit, action, or thought — the longer you can delay your need for gratification the more significant your achievement will be.
Consider the most successful people on earth, what is one (of many) things they have in common? Yes. Their ability to delay gratification. Successful individuals actually fall in love with the process of hard work, this enables them to delay the need for reward.
An addiction to porn, much like an addiction to any dangerous habit, will destroy your determination and drive. Why? I think you can put the puzzle pieces together on this one. Porn gives instant gratification, much like the calming scroll on facebook, or the peaceful warmth of heroin in your veins. Instant gratification makes us question our current habits.
“If I can be rewarded now, why should I struggle toward a reward that may never be realised?”
As you can imagine, such an addiction results in extreme procrastination. Goals, values, and principles are thrown out the window, as dreams and ambition make way for ejaculation and a 200% increase in tissue purchases. It is important to note that the highs from instant gratification don’t last long, they give little meaning, and lead to much deeper lows.
Swap your porn addiction for an addiction to building a lasting, loving relationship. True hard work will lead to lasting joy, the likes of which porn will never offer.
Get started by?
Practicing delayed gratification & building powerful habits. I recommend reading Atomic Habits by James Clear.
2- Porn Ignores Your Values & Destroys Your Habits
Porn in itself, is often viewed with little worry. The worries tend to come only when individuals begin questioning their personal values. Remember, bigger problems begin as atomic signals — small habits lead to huge problems.
Watching porn once, twice, or even three times may seem insignificant. Even as your addiction forms into a daily habit, you may not consider it a problem. Soon, your values will begin to break down, but by this stage even your worries will be pushed aside in favour of a wank to the latest on PornHub.
How many times have you lied to a partner, or family member when they almost catch you in the act? How many times have you procrastinated something more important in favour of porn? How many times have you turned down a sexual experience with your partner only to sneak away with the laptop? Porn is insidious, and over time it eats away at the values you hold for yourself.
Values like honesty are replaced by ‘White Lies,’ and your loyalty is gradually replaced by a desire for more.
“Hmmm… My partner will never find out if I sleep with her sister! It would be just like that porno I watched!”
Yes. Those thoughts of cheating stem from somewhere, often the root cause is a desire for more, something porn offers in abundance. What you see in porn is fake! The orgasms are staged, and the narratives are designed to play on your desires for instant gratification. You might feel like your idol convincing your partners best friend to sleep with you while your partner drops the kids off at school. Does it end up like your favourite porno?
What porn doesn’t show you is the truth. Your partner finds out, your relationship is destroyed, you are limited to weekends with the kids, your start-up is all but forgotten, and the best friend? She wants nothing to do with you! Yes. Your porn fantasies can most definitely lead to a break down in your values, your morals, your happiness, and your relationships.
Get Started By?
Creating Principles for yourself, being honest with close friends/family and your partner about your growing addiction, and talking to your partner about your fantasies! You don’t have to go to porn to live out your fantasies, be honest and create a wonderful world of sex with your partner/s.
3- Porn Fucks Up Your Sex Life
Wild orgies! Did that get your attention? Exactly why porn works! Porn is fake. Everything in a professional porn production from lighting and sound, to scenes and line, is staged. Not only is it staged, the films are designed to trigger a reaction which directors hope will translate into higher views, more exposure, and more money.
Porn is an education platform for millions, as viewers hope to live out the same fantasies as their favourite porn stars. What happens when the sex doesn’t seem as dramatic as the movies? What happens when you decide to “pound” your partner so hard she ends up in tears? What happens when your sex life falls apart because it can’t live up to the movies?
Porn fucks up your sex life! Take it from someone who experienced the effects of a porn addiction first hand. The sex started off amazing! Then I started watching porn! Within 6 months I gave up on great sex for good! In my mind, the sex I was having with my partner would never compare to the fantasies played out on my screen.
When we did have sex, I was plagued with insecurity. “Is it good for you?” “Did you orgasm?” “Why do you look upset?” All I could picture was what I saw in movies, constantly comparing my lacklustre performance. I was no longer present in the beautiful moment, stuck in a never ending downward spiral of unmet expectations.
I gave up and watched late night porn on the couch while my girlfriend slept upstairs. We didn’t have sex for over 6 months at a time! This is the life of a porn addict.
Sex is beautiful! A moment of total connection between a couple or group, not something staged and dramatised. There will be mistakes, it will be sweaty, it will be raw, but there will also be a sense of pure pleasure, connection, and love. Don’t allow porn to destroy that.
Get Started By?
Being totally transparent with your partner/s. Be honest with the people you trust to see you naked, tell them your issues but also your desires. Also, be present with each other, feel the moment and avoiding trying to follow a script.
4- Porn Makes You Lonely & Damages Your Confidence
I would sit on a couch at 2am after finishing my shift, jerking off to whatever late night porn was on the T.V. This started before my last break-up! After she left me, well, I was a complete mess. I fell deeper into my porn addiction, rather than being with people and emerging from my depressive state, I gave up on trying to connect.
Just like any addiction, porn takes over your life. It takes priority over drinks with friends, a potential date, even work! Loneliness becomes a reality, and without connection your confidence all but evaporates. It took me 18 months of porn free living to build up enough confidence to ask someone on a serious date!
Do you really want to live this way?
It’s not just your confidence that suffers with a porn addiction, your partners confidence becomes the collateral damage. Consider how you would feel if your partner turned to pornography. By looking at porn you are making your partner miserable, lonely, and insecure about their bodies. Is that what you want?
Get Started By?
Commit to a sexual relationship with your partner! You would be surprised how many people fall in to the motions, “Well, we had a good run! I guess this is just how it goes with long-term relationships…” Bullshit! You don’t have to give up on your sex life.
If loneliness is the problem, tell a trusted friend about your addiction and ask them to be your accountability partner. They might hide your laptop, or ban sites for you, or simply force you out for a beer on weekends!
5- Porn Destroys Your Relationship
I think by now it is clear that porn has a very negative effect on relationships. But how? What is it about porn that is so damaging to relationships?
It starts with trust! All great relationships are built upon complete transparency, and a porn addiction is often something you want to keep in the dark. Naturally, this goes against any trust that may have already existed creating an uneasy tension between you and your partner — Promises cease to hold any meaning.
Say goodbye to emotional intimacy! Without emotional intimacy (porn takes care of this for you) your relationship is doomed to fall into a break-up, or an awkward kind of friendship.
Unrealistic expectations shoot through the roof when porn becomes your form of sexual education. When expectations are not met we feel a sense of disappointment, now imagine how this might effect your partner — seeing your disappointment and associating it with their own performance not meeting your expectations.
The real fix is to give up porn all together! Your happiness, your relationship, and your sexual life depends upon it! If you know someone struggling with a porn addiction, help them, be empathetic and encourage them to embrace a porn free sex life.
Jacques Massie is one half of Massie Bros, and host of the Couple A Lattes Podcast.
We want to know what you think of this article, email us your thoughts — info@massiebros.com.
