How to Create Lasting Change in Your Life
“Change — real change — comes from the inside out.” — Stephen R. Covey
There was a cool change in the air, it was almost as if I could smell the approaching band of rain. Left. Right. Left. Right. During the past 45 minutes I had felt myself slowly falling deeply into the present, each footstep vibrating through the surface of the concrete below. Everything felt connected now — all at once I was part of everything and everything was a part of me — then the pigeons caught my eye.
Have you ever stared at a pigeon for more than 2 seconds? Enough time to notice how hilarious they are? They strut around without a care in the world bobbing their heads to some imaginary electro banger! I stopped my walk, taking a moment to observe the local gang of pigeons. There was at least 15 of them, bobbing away & pecking furiously at the ground below. Why? What was so special about this section of dirt?
Suddenly I noticed the difference, there was no grass & a small taped barrier had been erected around this little patch of dirt. These pigeons — bobbing to their imaginary electro banger — were pinching all the fresh grass seeds!
“Cool story bro! Now, can you stop wasting my reading energy & explain what this has to do with real change?” — You.
Just like the positive habits, changes, and systems we implement in our lives, this patch of dirt would need constant work & attention if it were ever to mature into something more permanent. If you want to make real change & avoid your seeds being carried away by cooked pigeons bobbing away to the latest electro bangers, you need to give up your time & focus.
“Real change cannot be achieved through quick external action. Real change requires deep meaningful long-term work, starting from the inside-out!”
As my writing develops I want to use my words more like tools. At school I hated when teachers told me what I had to do, “What if that’s not what I want to do?”
Then, leaving school at 16, I reasoned with myself that a move to the military would ‘straighten me out & get me in line!’ Clearly I had not learnt anything about my true nature & who I wanted to be. The structures that society puts in place for us to follow are not designed to create any sense of self-awareness. School, then university, then a career, and then what? You die having never lived the life you so desperately wanted to live?
We live & die as sheep, stuck playing a game we don’t want to play! Guess what! Life doesn’t need to be outside of your control! You don’t need to conform to a norm that is completely ill-informed! You can become the version of self you dream of!
In this article I outline five key steps to take in order to create real lasting change in yourself. Positive change is a choice! Are you prepared to make a change or would you rather complain about how hard life is?
“Change starts with a healthy acceptance of reality!”
1. Start With Acceptance of What Is
Reality is what reality is! Accept it!
Human beings have what’s commonly referred to as a ‘Negativity Bias.’ This worked well for us as hunter gatherers searching the grassy plains for imminent threats — Sabre-tooth tigers ate your kids! That sh*t was real! It was important to seek out problems before problems found you.
In times of antiquity this bias served us well. In todays fast-paced consumerist world, not so much. Constant notifications, the news wanting to tell us what’s wrong, friends trying to convince us we could be better! It’s like negativity bias on steroids, but our ‘today problems’ are not acute — meaning with one decision the problem is either solved or your eaten — they become chronic problems leading to stress, anxiety, and fear. Fear that freezes us in our tracks, feeds our ego’s need for comfort, & stops us from ever even trying.
Consider this example:
You take a butt photo and post it on Instagram. 99 people comment on your photo telling you how amazing your butt looks, then 1 son-of-a-***** decides to point out that tiny pimple below your left cheek. What do you focus on?
If you are constantly fixated on what is wrong with your life & the world, change becomes impossible in your mind! “This could be better…” “Work sucks!” “Omagod this pandemic is going to destroy my life! Can’t things just be normal again?” This is the mindset of someone who doesn’t want to change, a person too afraid to accept life as what it is — a big ol’ gift!
Acceptance is the antidote! The world is experiencing a pandemic, “Ok.” Everyone has to wear masks & stay 1.5 metres apart, “Ok.” “We want to promote you but Jennifer has proved herself to be more willing to put in the work.” “Ok.” Life is what it is, as much as you may want to change the world around you, your attempts will fail until you accept reality on its terms.
Acceptance leads to a more proactive outlook. Instead of reacting to a problem with more problems, acceptance will enable you to be proactive about finding solutions within your circle of influence — what you can control!
Change begins with accepting reality as neither negative or positive, it simply is.
2. Take Responsibility for Everything
This one is going to be a hard pill to swallow.
Regardless of how another — or the world — has wronged you, how you act next is your responsibility. Do you want to create the world you dream of? Take some damn responsibility & be accountable for every single action you take!
If things suck it’s because you see it as such, nobody is going to swoop in and save the day. That responsibility rests firmly on your shoulders.
3. Ask Yourself First
Now, are you are prepared to accept reality as it is, ready to shoulder the weight of total responsibility, and willing to be completely accountable for your actions?
“Yes!”
Great! Time for the exciting part, you get to ask yourself what it is you want. Well, What do you want? More importantly, why do you want it? Sure you might want a billion dollars, but why do you really want that billion dollars? You might find the answer as simple as, “I want this because it will make me happy.” Ahhh! So what you really want is to be happy! Well, making a billion dollars might give you a moment of happiness, but to get there may take decades of despair. What can you do to be happy now!?
This process takes time! Be thorough, and dig deep into what it is you are searching for — don’t just copy cat someone else's life, this is about you!
Once you believe with all your heart that you understand your wants and why’s — not someone else’s — its time to figure out how. How will you become the person you want to be?
“What you truly want may be as simple as finding love. How you find love is up to you.”
If you want help finding your why & then developing your how, check out my friend John Lynskey’s latest e-book. Linked below.
4. Take Action & Focus
Now that you have a clear idea of where you are heading it’s time to strap on your work boots and take some action, not just any action. Massive Action!
- What actions do you need to take daily to become who you want to be?
- How do you need to show up to the world in order to find your version of happiness?
- What will you need to have saved in your bank account in 12 months if a lack of financial freedom is holding you back from your dreams?
- What massive actions will it take to lose 20 kgs by the end of this year?
Actions are the physical representation of you making change, and these actions require sniper like focus! Yes! This is hard! You will have to work & you will encounter failure but you are prepared my friend! Most importantly, you are worth it!
For more on focus check out one of my recent articles covering the topic:
5. Never Stop Sharpening Your Saw
Don’t neglect the fundamentals! Prime yourself each and every day to be just 1% better than you were the day before.
“You can spend a lifetime cutting down one tree with a blunt saw, a patch of land and no house to show for it. Or, you could take an hour each day to sharpen that saw and build an entire village!”
Spend at least an hour of your day — if not more — focused on sharpening yourself. Remind yourself that you matter, that your dreams matter, that your happiness matters, and that this change is here to stay!
I call these the ‘non-negotiables.’ I keep mine simple:
- Exercise & Eat Healthy: Looking after my physical well-being
- Cold Shower & Meditation: Looking after my spiritual well-being
- Reading & Learning: Keeping my mind sharp & healthy
- Building Relationships: Telling the people I care about that I love them, making time to build new relationships, and laughing with strangers. This builds up my emotional intelligence & strengthens my social ties.
How you sharpen your saw is up to you, but don’t neglect to care for yourself!
Change itself is as easy as snapping your fingers, deciding to change is the hard part! I hope this helps you make a positive change in your life!
Thanks for reading friend!
Jacques.
Jacques Massie is one half of Massie Bros, and host of the Couple A Lattes Podcast.
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