YOU DON’T NEED GOALS!
Expectations, Principles & Systems.
Yeah! That’s correct. You don’t need to have goals in order to be successful, you only really need one goal. What is important is the structures you create for yourself, the foundations which allow you to build a life.
Before we decipher what these structures are, I think we need to understand why goals often hold us back from the success we truly desire. We need to first understand expectations.
EXPECTATIONS
“My expectations were reduced to zero at the age of 21. Everything since then has been a bonus.” — Stephen Hawking
At 21 Stephen Hawking was diagnosed with an aggressive form of Motor Neuron Disease — ALS(amyotrophic lateral sclerosis). Being told you have two years to live drastically alters your expectations of life and others. Without expectations Hawking was able to declutter his mind and focus 100% of his energy on the things that gave him purpose and fulfilment. By eliminating expectations he eliminated disappointment from his life. Without the expectation of disappointment, fear ceases to exist — Without fear Hawking was free to pursue his work. 55 years later, Hawking passed away. He managed to live 53 years longer than anyone expected, including himself.
With his only expectation being death, every year death was a very real possibility. Hawking harnessed this one expectation, maintained a growth mindset and focused completely on what gave him purpose. I’m certain I don’t have to explain his accomplishments to you, do I? Let’s just say Hawking is a fucking badass who revolutionised physics and the world as we see it through science. Let’s forget about potential and purpose all together and focus on the ridiculous notion of expectation. How is it fair to expect anything from anyone else? Why are you expecting anything in the first place? Live according to your principles and allow everyone else to live by theirs.
“My thoughts on expectations are simple. Don’t have any!”
Expectation is the love child of ambition and the fixed mindset. A weird analogy, I know, but I think it kind of fits. Think about every time you have had high expectations of a specific outcome, only to be disappointed when your expectations are not met. How did you feel? Shit! Right?
The problem with having expectations is not only how they make you feel when they are not met. Aligning your ambitions with certain expectations ties your hard work, drive, and happiness to one fleeting moment, or a material goal. So, even if you meet all your expectations, even if you exceed those expectations. How long does your satisfaction last? More importantly, what desire do you have to stay purposeful, ambitious and motivated once your expectations are met? How do you allow yourself to feel when your expectations are not met? Do you have the motivation to continue on, or is it easier to give up and focus on fulfilling a different expectation?
Expectations are dangerous, and unfortunately we are raised to believe that expectations are necessary if we are to achieve our dreams. When was the last time you took time to write a goal that wasn’t focused around something materialistic, or based around a specific expectation? Goals seem to be the magic bullet when it comes to being successful, I disagree. To me, goals breed expectation, and expectation drags us into the fixed mindset and further away from the real goal. Happiness!
“But Jacques! My whole life I have been convinced that goals are important! How can you possibly argue that having goals is a bad thing!”
What we tend to label as ‘goals,’ I like to refer to as markers. Why? Because for me, the only real goal is to live a happy life. My version of a happy life is different to yours, but our happiness is not dictated by reaching, or surpassing expectations. Sure, when you reach a net worth of a million dollars, you feel a sense of accomplishment. How long does it last? If there is no greater purpose than to simply be a millionaire, that feeling drifts away within a day, maybe two. Now what? Well, it’s back on that ‘Hedonic treadmill’ again! You sit down, write out a new set of goals, and start working toward them. The expectation, well, that you will be happy. So, what is the only real goal here? Yeah! Happiness!
Unfortunately, most people go their whole lives without realising what they are actually working towards. Stuck in an endless hedonic loop! You have the opportunity to break free of this loop, the question is, do you want to? A chance to live a life flooded with happiness. Is that your goal? To be happy?
Well, I want to suggest you eliminate goals, instead you focus on creating principles which will guide your life in a happy trajectory.
Let’s dive into principles, systems, and the markers that guide you through the turbulent river of life.
PRINCIPLES AND SYSTEMS
Let’s assume that you agree with me. The only goal that matters is to be happy! So, how do you achieve that goal? This goal is nothing like the goals you learnt about in school, happiness is not something to achieve once only to move onto the next target.
This goal is something you want to achieve and maintain for the rest of your life. At least, I assume you do? This goal needs to be achieved 7 days a week, constantly at the forefront of every action you take! Easy right? Wrong! This is a fucking hard goal to achieve, let alone maintain. You will need to un-learn your material driven ideas about goals, be committed to the long-term solution, and be prepared to work hard. As with any of my articles, there is no instant solution. Ready to work?
“Ahhh. Fuck that shit! That sounds way too hard!”
Does it? Is your happiness not worth the effort? If living a happy life is not worth your effort, then what is? Really?
If you are ready to commit to a happy life, let’s begin by laying out your principles.
‘Purpose’ is a bit of a hot word nowadays. With information so readily available, it is almost impossible to escape the internet’s barrage of suggestions. Let me go out on a controversial limb here. Firstly, you don’t have to listen to other people’s success stories, especially if it makes you feel inadequate! Secondly, you don’t need to drop everything in your life in order to discover your purpose! Purpose is not some mystical Unicorn found only through an epic quest, you are not Frodo! There is more than one ring! And while we are at it Gandalf, I shall pass thank you very much!
Focus less on purpose, in fact, don’t focus on purpose at all! Start building systems in your life which allow you to live by your personal principles.
“But Jacques. What are principles? How do I discover my own?”
Let me answer this backwards, I can’t tell you how to discover your personal principles. I can give you some suggestions which have worked for me, but in the end your principles are personal, they will come naturally to you overtime.
To make a start, jot down some fundamental principles, the rules of life that come to you without much thought; honesty and health are two such examples. You can build upon these fundamentals with a little help from your role models, I found some characters I admired! People like Tony Robbins, Ray Dalio, Jay Shetty, Michelle Obama, and Jacinda Ardern. Then I copied some of their principles! As time passed, I inevitably encountered failure, this became an opportunity to fill in the gaps.
“What principles could I create to avoid making the same mistake twice?”
As to what principles are? They are a set of rules and regulations that you choose to live your life by — but they are like gospel!
Know one is going to drop down from the heavens and smite you for defying your principles, that’s your job. So it is important to believe deeply in your principles, they should be a reflection of who you are at the core. Who are you on your best days? Are you kind, caring, honest, healthy, and motivated? Who is the best possible version of you?
Now, don’t sit there and give me that bullshit about not being able to amount to anything! Fucking dream! You are more than you could ever imagine! So go crazy! Who is the greatest version of you? What principles does that person live by? Well. What are you waiting for? Start writing them down!
Once you have your fundamental principles written down (remember you will continue to add principles, so don’t stress out about having enough), it is time to implement systems which will allow you to live by your principles. Systems allow good habits to thrive if you build them around your principles. Let’s dive into an example:
- Let’s say one of your principles is focused around being organised. Now, what systems could you implement in order to live by that principle?
Easy right? At a fundamental level it would start with storage, and labelling. T-shirts in this drawer, pants in this drawer, coats on this rack, and “dirty duds” in the laundry basket. Systems could then be implemented to organise your work flow: google calendar, time-blocking, smart-watches, phone notifications, file storage, email folders, and dedicated planning days.
Principles reflect the best version of you, they are what lies at your core, the rules you choose to live by. Systems are the enablers, they allow you to form positive habits and live practically by your personal set of principles.
Don’t I need to have a Purpose before I do any of this?
A funny thing happens when you focus on the practicality of principles, and systems. Instead of getting stuck on a single purpose, or feeling lost after accomplishing yet another meaningless goal, you begin to develop the very thing you were searching for in the first place. Purpose. Meaning. Happiness. They come naturally when you live by your principles. The systems you build don’t just create good habits, they give you meaning every time you open your eyes to begin a new day. Purpose will be the bi-product, and just like the happiness butterfly it will gently sit upon your shoulder.
Fuck goals! Build principles!
WHAT ABOUT GOALS?
Look, goals do have their place in your life, but I would suggest you think of them more as markers guiding you through the journey of life. They are not a destination, if you reach a goal you will not suddenly become enlightened.
Rather, let your principles guide your journey, building systems which in-turn create amazing habits, allowing you to live a good life based upon those principles. You are alive! You have a chance to really figure out how you want to live your life, don’t squander that time achieving meaningless goals in the pursuit of some obscure purpose you don’t truly believe in.
Set markers (goals) which allow you to assess the performance of your systems, and don’t worry about having a perfectly defined purpose. Allow your principles to guide you toward your purpose while you focus on the only goal that really matters. Happiness!
3 TIPS TO GET YOU STARTED
Have Zero Expectations
You already know my point of view. Don’t even bother with expectations, they just lead to procrastination, anger, misery, and general sadness. Consider every time you have had an expectation met, it’s great! Right? You are super happy, for all of 24 hours, maybe less. Now consider the opposite, your expectations are not met. How does that make you feel? Shit, right? Yet the negative feelings last WAYYYYYY longer! This is a flaw in our brains, it comes from our days as hunter gatherers, when seeking out danger was essential for survival. Negative bias, is a remnant of our prehistoric brains and it ain’t going away any time soon.
How does it work? Well, our brains seek out problems, lingering on them and ignoring all the positives. By having expectations you are just throwing more wood on the fire. Live by your principles and stick to your systems, everything else is out of your control so don’t get caught in the expectations trap. Instead be grateful for what you already have!
Learn to Love the Process
Here’s how goals trap you. If your goal is to achieve anything but lasting happiness, you are going to be disappointed. Lets jump into an example for this one:
- Your goal is to become a partner at the law firm you just began interning at. “Great aspirations!” That’s what your parents keep telling you, both lawyers themselves, but you hate your job! So you convince yourself that once you become a named partner and tick over to a tidy million dollar salary, life will be good! You will be happy! What happens to the next ten years of your life? Is this goal worth sacrificing ten years of happiness!
What does this example say to you?
To me it highlights the importance of falling in love with the process. If you are going to work toward something, why not enjoy it? Sure, you will experience moments of frustration, sadness, or even anger, this is part of being human. But ask yourself, are you pumped to go to bed each night so you can wake up and work on the things you love? If not, why are you doing it?
The process is all we have. The only destination of this journey is death. Doesn’t it make sense to love the journey then?
Go All In on your Principles, they Define your Character
Your principles are the most important thing to you! These are a reflection of your core, the real you, the person you want the world to see. They are not something to take lightly! If you write down a principle you live by that principle, and if for some reason you mess up, you hold yourself accountable.
Principles will guide you through life. You wouldn’t put google maps on mute while being directed on a road trip, would you? So… why would you hide your principles behind excuses?
Go 100% in on your principles, because they are you, your character is dictated by these guiding rules. One thing that helped me was to make them totally inescapable, I literally put them everywhere! When I wake up I see them, when I check my phone I see them, when I sit down to work I see them, and when I fall asleep I can’t help but dream about them (OK, that’s a bit far. I mainly dream about Harry Potter, I know… weird!).
“If you lose your wealth, you lose nothing. If you lose your health, you lose something. If you lose your character, you lose everything.”
- Woodrow Wilson -
Jacques Massie is one half of Massie Bros, and host of the Couple A Lattes Podcast.
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