My Mother is a Treasure: Pink Eye edition

WhatsApp is the main way I keep in touch with my mother since moving to the mirror-world. While most of the time it’s the banal “how are you?” and “is it raining?” variety of conversation, some of our exchanges are just hilarious. I thought I’d start sharing the good parts.

Tuesday, 16 February, 2016

Sometime on Tuesday I noticed she had messaged me the previous day with the above health report. Ouch! I respond immediately, apologizing for missing this update until the following day. “That sounds awful!”

The situation had worsened pretty damn quickly:

What happened next won’t make a lot of sense unless you’re familiar with South Park, and in particular, the first Halloween special they aired back in 1997.

I’m about to attempt to cheer you up by telling you that Pink Eye was the topic of one of my favorite South Park episodes.
Bear with me.

I then look up the plot summary and message the bits pertaining to the Pink Eye outbreak to my mother, who definitely doesn’t watch South Park.

plot info from http://southpark.wikia.com/wiki/Pinkeye_(Virus)

Look, I know that this isn’t going to sell my mother on the hilarity of the show, but I’m trying to get to my point. So I continue…

On Halloween night the next day, almost everyone in town is now a zombie, even Chef. Kyle Broflovski to saves the town by calling the Worcestershire Sauce hot line for help.
The hotline tells Kyle that they must kill the original zombie to stop it from spreading. Kyle then saws Kenny in two with a chainsaw, effectively ending the Pinkeye Virus in the town of South Park.

Now hold on. Don’t feel sorry for her! I ask how my dad’s doing. “Dad doesn’t have pink eye right?”

And this is her response:

“Not yet.”

My father doesn’t have pink eye… yet.

She even adds a blatant guilt trip and a LOL.

So, I get to my point, finally, and ask her if she has a chainsaw. Surprisingly, she tells me she does, in her back pocket.

“I have a bottle of that,” she tells me, and then signs off.

Friday, 19 February

Kenny is not a place in Ireland

He’s a kid in a fictional show. And he gets killed a lot. Like, every episode someone finds a new, novel way to kill Kenny.

http://www.pastemagazine.com/articles/2008/10/oh-my-god-you-killed-kenny-84-times-in-19-unique-w.html

In conclusion

I send the above chart over. And then