How to destroy an unpleasant waiter in a nouveau-riche cafe

Gouraud Street was sunny. There were less rain puddles, more people on their balconies and more fair legs walking on the sidewalk. Adonis sat in a coffee shop that had opened only recently. The cleavage of a woman sitting at the opposite table distracted him but he forced himself to stop looking at her. He was still under the influence of Lynn’s weed and the sculpture manuals he was reading yesterday. He inhaled the aroma of the coffee and turned his face to the sunlight.

The Romans and Alexander the Great failed. Sanchuniathon was watching them and laughing from a mountain top. Then, he suddenly burst into tears when he saw that Tyr and Carthage have been destroyed. How could the author of the Big Bang theory be so sensitive? Philon of Byblos, wearing a yellow polo shirt, waved at him from the other side of the mountain. He was holding the statuette of Astarte and the Snake. Sanchuniathon smiled and rose water rain fell on the gardens of the Adonis Valley.

Adonis asked for the check and left seven coins as a tip, which offended the waiter. With a fake smile, the latter explained to Adonis that the restaurant only accepts bills but not coins even if their value was equivalent to that of the bills. The waiter looked at his colleague and shook the cup containing the coins. Adonis coldly took the coins, placed them on the table and placed them one of top of the other under the shocked eyes of the two waiters. He then gave the coins a nudge with his thumb, making them fall, and left the café with composure. Why would they take themselves so seriously? He wondered. Did they not know that he couldn’t care less about them and that, at this very moment, he was having surreal, antiquity related thoughts?

War is the grand nations’ cemetery. How can the waiters at a coffee shop so simply start a war? Before turning into a military empire, Phoenicia was a peaceful place, and the Phoenician Goddess, Europa, seduced Zeus and then gave her name to the European continent. Strabo the Greek said that Homer’s Iliad was inspired by the Phoenicians. However, Hannibal opted for war. The most important army General in history crossed the Alps at the head of an army of fifty thousand men and a few dozen elephants to take Rome by surprise. From his elephant’s back, Adonis admired the whole world under the snow and the Alps’ arduous peaks. They had lost a number of their comrades and some elephants because of the extreme cold. When they lost all hope and no longer wanted to proceed, the grand General showed them the vast Italian plains appearing at a distance. After a long pause, he held up his sword and yelled his famous line: “I shall either find a way or make one!” Carthage won but was later set on fire.

EXTRACT FROM MY FICTION “ADONIS EXPELLED FROM YOGA”

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