How I Get Out of a Depressive Slump
I struggle with a slight depression, a fact about myself it took a while to admit.
I don’t even think I’ve fully admitted to myself that I have depression. I just say I have extreme sadness…denial at its finest.
I consider myself an optimist, someone who fully enjoys life and tries to show utmost gratitude in all circumstances.
But depression doesn’t care if you’re an optimist. It doesn’t care if you’re a happy-go-lucky, joyful person. It’s a poison that infiltrates every aspect of your life no matter how hard you fight against it.
I recently had a depressive slump that lasted exactly a week. It felt like it took forever to ‘get to the other side’ or see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’.
The first few days I did exactly nothing to change my circumstance. I just couldn’t bear it. I was in pure survival mode and even that was hard to maintain.
The sadness was all-consuming. I was on FaceTime with my mom, talking about a garage sale she was preparing for and I randomly broke down into crying that sent my body into quivers.
That’s what depression does to me- uncontrolled crying, extreme doubt and questioning, and overall a lack of confidence in myself and my life.
I’d try to get out of my house and do random things that occupied my mind. But while I was sifting through the racks of TJ MAXX all I could think was “Does anyone notice?! Does anyone notice the fake smile? Can you see how sad I am? Please, someone…anyone…just notice!!”
The point of me describing how I felt is simply for the benefit of others- so if other people feel this way they know. They know that they are not alone.
No matter how sad you are, just know that you have the capacity to overcome it. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you- all that matters is knowing that you can and will get through it.
My best advice is to go with the ebbs and flows of life, emotions, and feelings, and work toward making small changes that can improve your mental state when times are tough.
Here’s what I did during my depressive slump to work towards being better.
#1 Ease Yourself Back Into Your Normal Routine
When you experience a bout of sadness, don’t go to bed and say “Tomorrow is the day I’m going to get back on track”.
More often than not, it will take a few days of integrating your normal routines and habits back in before you are fully back on track.
Creating the expectation that you can go to sleep really freaking sad and wake up and everything be magically better is unrealistic. I’ve fallen under that assumption way too many times.
Don’t fool your mind into thinking that you can just decide to be better. It’s going to take small actions for you to be better again.
If you’re feeling even a little better one day, take full advantage by starting to integrate your routine and habits back into your life.
I workout every day, but during the Great Week of Sadness, I just couldn’t go to the gym. I couldn’t risk breaking out into tears while some gym bro next to me was grunting with each set.
Instead, I did workouts at home and slowly increased my intensity each day. Then, when I finally got through a full day with no crying, I ventured back out to the gym.
I had to make a lot of little transitions like that. Transitions from eating cereal for every meal back to making salads for lunch. Transitions from going to bed as soon as I got home from work to going to bed at 8 pm and then finally my normal bedtime, 10 pm.
Make being better again manageable. Make feeling better as appealing as possible. Choose to do small things as opposed to making a complete 180. Most importantly, try not to put pressure on yourself to try to be 100% better at the flip of a switch.
#2 Don’t Condemn Yourself
The more you condemn yourself for not getting things done, spending the whole day watching Netflix, and crying for the umpteenth time in a day, the less likely you are to try to start being better.
Easier said than done… trust me, I know. I’m probably the best at condemning myself.
When you recognize a condemning thought manifesting in your mind, you have to intentionally make an effort to remove it from your mind.
Sometimes, I imagine the thought entering one side of my head and exiting out the other, like a ghost who got the wrong address. Floating in, through, and instantly back out of my mind.
Other times, I try to bombard the condemning thought with a thought of praise for myself. Or I just tell myself that the thought simply isn’t true, that it’s not based on evidence.
Either way, it takes a focused effort to recognize a condemning thought, combat it, and then let it die.
Being passive towards a condemning thought is almost as bad as negatively reacting to it and believing it’s true. Because then you’re giving it space to occupy your mind, a mind that’s already full of sadness and misery.
Don’t let another object of misery exist in your mind. See it, destroy it, and repeat the process. All day long.
#3 Operate At Neutral
During this most recent Week of Sadness, I realized that my effort is best spent trying to operate in neutral, not happy.
Don’t try to be happy when you’re sad. It’s too hard. Your inability to be happy will likely make you even more sad. And now you’re stuck in a vicious cycle.
Operating at neutral took just enough effort that I needed to actually try but didn’t take as much effort as it would to be happy.
So instead of trying to find a moment of laughter in my day, I tried not to cry. Instead of being overly kind to people, I tried to ask one person how their day was.
It might seem dramatic, but when you’re that sad, it really is hard to try to be happy again. It takes more effort than one would think to regain that natural zest and love of life.
Operating at neutral is more productive than operating at sad and it’s easier than trying to operate at happy.
#4 Make a List of Choices
I firmly believe that you always have a choice.
I believe that you have a choice to be sad or happy. To be kind or mean. To love life or hate life.
So, when you’re sad, make a list of choices. Here’s the list I made when I was sad-
Even if you can’t make the choice to be happy, make the choice to implement small changes that get you back on track.
At the end of the day, it’s your choice to remain sad. It’s your choice to do activities and think thoughts that perpetuate the sadness.
Make a list. Know your choices. Circle the ones you think you’re able to do today and get crackin’.
#5 Focus on Gratitude
This is not a unique tip by any means, but it is an important one.
The practice of gratitude is so widely written about and advised because it helps to change your perspective on things.
When you’re sad, your perspective and mindset are all kinds of messed up.
An easy and gentle way to nudge yourself back on track is to list all the things you’re thankful for.
It could be your pet, the cookie you just ate, your car, your mom and boyfriend, the good weather, or the Netflix show you’re binge-watching.
It doesn’t matter if what you’re grateful for is ‘big’ or ‘small. All that matters is you are breaking the mindset of sadness and existential dread.
Poke holes in the way your current thought patterns are operating with gratitude. Poke it until it bursts.
Real Talk
Even as I was crying from the unbearable sadness I felt, I knew that it was for a purpose.
I never really understood what people with depression experienced or how it felt because I never experienced it personally.
But now that I have gotten a bit closer with the extreme sadness I experience (there’s that denial again) I feel like I can relate to others a bit more and hopefully serve as a companion and mentor in this area.
I literally had to force myself to smile in the mirror and on the car drive home in a desperate attempt to be happy again.
So, if you’re currently experiencing depression or extreme sadness, I hope you can take one of these tips and it helps you get to a better place.
Ease yourself back to normal and try to operate at neutral. Make a list of the choices you and of the things you’re grateful for.
Keep your head up, it’ll all work out.
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