Tying the Knot or Not at all : Nikah Nama in Modern Pakistan (2012)
In the last two decades, there has been a significant shift in Pakistani family values and systems. There has been a noticeable increase in divorce rates as well as domestic violence incidents. In Lahore city alone, 100 cases were registered in family courts every day in 2011. Similarly, in Islamabad, the number of divorce cases rose to 557 in 2011, compared to 208 in 2008.
As a woman, I have often been told or heard comments about what I should or shouldn't do, and how my in-laws won't tolerate certain things. In a male chauvinistic society like ours, divorce is still considered a taboo. Many women stay in abusive relationships where they are physically, mentally, or psychologically abused, often by their spouses and their families. Unfortunately, our society is quite judgmental by nature, and we tend to judge people based on their caste, color, race, beliefs, and other factors.
When someone's daughter or son gets divorced, people often blame the girl for the failure of the marriage. Suddenly, everyone becomes an expert on the Islamic way of living and the sanctity of married life. It's easy for some to forget the golden words of the Holy book: "The parties should hold together on equitable terms or separate with kindness" (Surah Al Baqrah). I have only seen one couple so far who, after getting separated, still meet with respect and kindness.
The most crucial piece of information that we overlook is the "Nikah Nama," which is essentially a form of marriage certificate. Pakistani women spend a lot of money on their weddings to look good, with lavish clothes, wedding halls, photographers, etc. Unfortunately, they don't spend enough time reading an essential document before getting married. In fact, some families go to extreme lengths to not tell their women about the "right to divorce" clause. Some families even keep the clause that gives women the right to divorce in the Nikah Nama, hidden from them.
During my university days, I researched the costs of weddings and was surprised to learn how expensive it can be to "tie the knot." An average middle-class family in Pakistan spends approximately Rs. 600,000 (£3,500) on just one event (Mehndi, Baraat, Valima). The costs of wedding planners, photographers, printing of cards, etc., can add up quickly. The perception is that the more you spend, the better the result you will get. Therefore, the spending on weddings never seems to end.
The Nikah Nama allows women to stipulate their rights regarding their husband's second marriage. However, many married women are unaware of their "Haq Mahar," the amount that the groom has to pay to the bride. This payment can be either prompt (Mahar Moajjal) or deferred (Mahar Non Moajjal). Furthermore, women can exercise their right to divorce their husbands when things become intolerable. It's high time that we started paying attention to our basic rights.
The complete "Nikah Nama" is written in simple and plain Urdu, and English translations are also available. Abusive households are not only toxic for the couple but can also have far-reaching repercussions for any children in the house.
If you or someone you know is getting married soon and wants to learn more about their legal rights, the complete "Nikah Nama," Chayn's Legal section, and "The Muslim Family Laws 1961, Ordinance No. VIII" are good places to start.
References: http://punjablaws.gov.pk/laws/777a.html
