Free Write 18
Yesterday, i met with a friend of mine and listened to her latest adventures building a little business of hers. She’s come along pretty far and I’m excited for her.
but as i listened i couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. i wanted to pick apart why, why i don’t have to and what problems it could cause.
why did i feel jealous? the successes hit a little close to home. i think that’s the common denominator for the few times in my life i have felt jealous.
when i was in college, i was deep in the job search game and i met with my friend who was also seeking. he told me he found a position for the summer and i wanted to be happy for him, but instead i felt a bit of sadness for my situation. i almost felt rejected. like that company turned me down personally.
is that the right way to look at it? obviously not. my feelings stem from the belief that his win is my loss. when really, there were big wins possible for both of us. they just weren’t going to ever happen at the same time.
the first thing i need to understand is our wins are completely unrelated. bill gates making a billion dollars has no effect on my ability to succeed in my life. in much the same way, my friends found success when they looked and i’m happy they went exploring.
the next thing i need to understand is success is nothing personal. it has no reflection on you as a person. it has everything to do with what you did and what the world needs. but it has nothing to do with you. if i am hitting a roadblock, i shouldn’t assign the blame on me and my personality. i should understand that more work needs to be done and i can find the solution.
so i have answered why. it’s because i felt like i lost, which isn’t true because it doesn’t work so his win has to time with my non-win. i am at a certain point in my journey and he is at his.
the main problem i noticed jealousy brings me when i noticed it is a visceral rejection of my beliefs. i suddenly thought to myself, “i’m doing something wrong! i need to follow her”
two balanced thoughts here. yes, you may not be doing things the best way possible, but you should consider that objectively and adjust where you see fit.
you also cannot just do what another person did because you are not them. your strengths and weaknesses and passions aren’t all the same so you may find yourself chasing things you didn’t want to do.
i firmly believe that the greatest output a person can make is when they work on something they love. you cannot do that if you chase what another person is doing. don’t chase, but learn.
internalize their thought process and think through what would work for you and adjust the lessons to your own situation.
that’s the tempered way to process new information and also celebrate people’s successes. congratulations to them, i want to learn from them, but make sure i understand that nothing has changed for me and i can still pursue my passions with exactly the same energy as before.