2018 Review: Feeling and Expression

Looking at my ability to feel and experience the human spectrum of emotions. My creativity and its expression. A sense of intimate connection with others.

Status

This was not an area that I was particularly aware of and (hence) intentional about. I mostly went with the flow of creative opportunities, and I think in the process, discovered more about my preferences and perceived gaps in this area.

The Good Stuff

• Joined a band again! Besides the usual pleasure of music playing, this band has exposed me to a lot of new (well, old really) music; new favs include: Black Keys, White Stripes. Also, this is the first band I’ve ever played a paid gig and a “music festival” (slightly hyped title, but what the heck) with!
• Settling into my performer skin. We played several open mics to start with, and I was definitely a bit skittish — especially with the “talking casually with the audience between songs” part. But, perhaps in line with my overall personal theme this year, I gradually got more comfortable being me on stage; just being there, especially with the music.
• Took guitar lessons for the first time. Unfortunately there was a bit of drama, but I did appreciate my teacher’s clear admiration for the music and the instrument — it was inspiring.
• Discovered a small love for the aesthetics of movement. In the past, I’ve been drawn to physical movement for excitement, exertion and competition. Now, I’ve found enjoyment in the beauty of physical forms. I think this was ignited by certain yoga teachers, which then led me to venture into classes in aerial arts (yoga, silk, hoop), and then gymnastics and movement classes.
• Falling in love with the Hamilton soundtrack over and over again. Feeling in awe of the art and inspired by the content. Goosebumps and tears.

Analysis

Mistakes and Plan Changes

• More dance-like classes, e.g. with routines, don’t really work. I spend more time trying to follow along than on connecting with feeling or expressing something.
• Live events, e.g. Sofar Sounds — I think I mostly enjoy this as a social event; I’d probably be too lazy to go alone

Insights and Ideas

This year, I have a much better idea (hypothesis) about what creative endeavours mean to me. There are three main values that I derive from creative activities — and different activities are more conducive to producing different values:

• Vicarious feeling: experience the spectrum of human emotions: especially the types and intensities that I can only access vicariously, i.e. by embodying it
  Medium: singing, possibly movement and maybe one day, acting
• Expression: releasing my own thoughts and emotions though
  Medium: writing and movement
• Connection: an intimate exchange with another person, touching another person, without direct verbal communication (or physical contact)
  Medium: so far, I’ve only experienced this through band performances

Pains

• The ability to manifest the songs in my mind
• Limited music exposure: still listening to the same playlists. Music at home: not really doing this much anymore, despite improving the “island” playlist. Started some music podcasts like Song Exploder but dropped off — why?
• Tried to pursue more like Hamilton, e.g. Book of Mormon — not quite the same
• Travelled for 3 months and couldn’t practice with the band — this is likely to happen again this year
• Lack of continuity (and purpose, really) with aerial classes — I never really remember what I learned before (the moves don’t stick)

What I’m excited about in 2019

I think the main themes for the year will be movement and music, but I’d be excited to discover new mediums that work for me.

1. Explore the medium of movement

• With the aim to express myself with ease, without words
• Pursue classes that help me expand my physical vocab
• Setting up routines and spaces for ad hoc movement
• Try partner movement (including social dance) as a means of connecting

2. Double down on music (and movies?)

• Continue to (and increase) perform with the band
• learn enough guitar to get songs out of my head
• improve singing technique so I can produce the sounds as they sound in my head / as I imagine the songwriter had intended
• Find more people to jam with, especially with other genres of music
• Curated playlists of music and movies
• Join music and film events
• Set up space and equipment, e.g. mats, good headphones