Sleep, not so fast but.
You are browsing the recent podcast by a16z while you take a look at the upper right of your laptop. It’s 1:33am already. It’s time you start getting ready for your daily battle to sleep. You don’t want to miss the 2:30 mark because you recently started your “early” routine. You run towards the kitchen to grab a water bottle, your only weapon in your one-hour battle to sleep. You switch off the room light but keep the washroom light on because can’t sleep in pitch dark. You take a sip of water. You lay down your head on the cushion. Everything is going right, you have almost no thoughts. You pat yourself that you will finally be able to sleep on time today, and just then, there is a notification. No. not on my phone. It’s already in complete silent mode. It’s from your brain reminding you that you thought the same last night and every night before that. And before you realize it, your mind is already busy figuring out what thoughts distracted you last night. A new buzz comes in, reminding you about your daily 2-minute prayer routine. You sit up and close you eyes. You finish your prayer. You lay again but you are reminded of the fact that last night you did it twice and was able to sleep only after that. You tell yourself how absurd it is. You just finished your prayer you don’t need to get back up. God is already happy. But God is not the problem “you” are, you can’t sleep until you do it again else you will keep thinking about it. You are fighting with your mind. You can’t give up. Maybe you can succeed. No, you can’t. You give up and get seated to pray once again. You are done. You take a final sip of water. Now you will be able to sleep. “Yay”, you tell yourself. Shit! you have to pee. You go to the washroom. You come back. You move the curtains open. You switch off the light of the washroom. You remove the t-shirt. You change the boxer. You take one more sip. Now you will sleep. Wait… Not so fast. Your brain is ready to bargain just last one more time. “Rotate to the other side of the bed and I will let you sleep”, it tells you. “No, I don’t like that side” you shout in your head, “how about 90 degrees?”. “Well, it’s up to you”. You rotate to the other side. You take one more sip of water. You close your eyes. You think about pointers for how you will convince the team for the idea you just thought today. You yourself are not feeling that well about this idea. You make a to-do list in your mind to validate this idea. You argue and before you know it you are already asleep. No, you don’t have any clue about the time. Good night maybe.