Cold Email Critique: Don’t Make These 4 Mistakes

Cold Emails are difficult to write. Correction, cold emails are difficult to write well. Prospects open 21.33% of marketing emails on average (according to a study from MailChimp). That’s a lot of potential customers.

In this post, you’ll see what makes or breaks a cold email.

Check out this cold email from dashbot.io that I found on goodsalesemails.com. This email is a great example because has an equal amount of good and bad elements. Scroll down to see it!

Here’s what works:

Casual and friendly. The email starts with a cute introduction to a dog. Who doesn’t like a cute dog pic? His approach is light-hearted and doesn’t come off as a sale. The intro puts the prospect in a positive mindset for the rest of the email.

It doesn’t seem rushed. John doesn’t throw a meeting in the prospect’s face. He takes it slow and briefly mentions a “quick conversation.” Don’t ask for a meeting in the first cold email. It’s easier for a prospect to start a conversation than commit to a meeting.

Personalization. The prospect’s company’s name is scattered throughout the post. John also offers to fill up the prospect’s inbox with cute dog pics. He started a relationship with the prospect as the cute dog pic guy.

Short subject line. The prospect sees the subject line first. A prospect with a flooded inbox will glance over long, spammy subject lines. A short subject line peaks curiosity, reads easy, and stands out from typical subject lines.

Here’s what doesn’t work:

No clear call to action. John ends the email by looking forward to filling up the prospect’s inbox with dog pics. A “quick conversation” is mentioned, but it’s buried in the middle of the email. I would end the email by asking a question or suggesting a call.

No clear question. There’s one question the sales rep asks, and they answer it in the next sentence. I would end the email with an open question.

No social proof. Name dropping builds trust with the customer. The sales rep can humbly drop something in like “We’ve worked with over 50 companies such as (company 1), (company 2), and (company 3)”

Not enough benefits/features. The only feature listed is that Gusto runs payroll in 36 seconds to 10 minutes. I would attach another benefit and feature to this email.

Here’s my crack at it:

Subject: Faster

Body:

Hi (first name),

Sales emails can be awkward. Here’s a picture of Finnley, our company dog, to break the ice:

(Pic of Finnley breaking the ice.)

With Finnley’s help, Gusto will save (prospects company) time and energy with payroll. We do this by:

Running payrolls between 36 seconds and 10 minutes.

Managing healthcare, payroll, and savings automatically.

And we do all of this so you can focus on your business.

We’ve helped over 100,000 small companies like (company 1), (company 2), and (company 3).

Does this interest you at all? If yes, hit reply and let me know.

(And I promise to include another picture of Finnley in my next email)

-John

Reminders for a captivating cold email:

• Be friendly.
• Personalize it for the prospect.
• Use short subject lines.
• Have a clear ask.
• Have a clear call to action.
• Make it about them.

Make sure you keep a warm heart when you’re writing those cold emails.