was so drunk last night

sorry, was an asshole the entire time

There used to be a time when all I want to do is get drunk and deal on things while at it — like a total asshole. I get to keep stuff in my closet then stare at the stars the entire night at the rooftop or climb my way somewhere. I think, what you get when you are a teenage loser, back then, was total isolation and proper degradation. I mean, I do not mind that, up to now.

Things were a bit dull recently, as well as toxic surroundings which I still refuse to act on. This entire deskjob and not quitting as well as pushing your limits to gain access financially for your creative endeavours feels a bit too much to handle as days pass by. The toxic is the emotions you suppress and the constant thumb-tacking. That term I just made up.

So when I have the chance to grab them by the wussy, I went along with it wholeheartedly. I am a wuss anyway, why bother explaining.

Last night was our year-end party, and as superficial as a fancy no-tie-to-correspond-with-dinner-party, I went along drunk. It was a bit of a stretch to start with. I am so thankful for this company, no doubt about that, but I cannot think of any hostile environment than an office job. If the entire art world is a struggling world of naive and phonies, this one is a tad higher a disappointment to keep your life rotting in an boxed surface all adorned with blings they let you afford yourself.

Too bad I can only sneak minutes of beers in the venue then had dinner and did not even looked back while walking to a nearby pub across. I have never been so happy about ignoring all the assholes I get to see daily, and the thought of it just give me another hope that I can get away from anything when I really want it.

But the thought of adulting means you really need to deal with anything whether you like it or not. I have no idea how they go about their socialising skills, but I sure am the worst.