Memos From My Cat


re: the red dot

hey man, I know you’re at work, but i wanted to let you know i’ve got a plan for the next time the red dot shows up: i’m going to run at it really, really fast. this may sound a lot like what i do every time, but i’ve made some subtle refinements that i think are going to give me an edge. like, this time, i’m going to run really fast. anyway hope you’re having a good day


re: breakfast

fyi: breakfast is at 6 a.m. now. i’ve been thinking about it, and there was one time you got up and fed me at 6, and it was beyond awesome. so 6 a.m., every day, let’s make this happen. great idea, right? i wasn’t to say anything, i was just going to tap you on the face while you’re sleeping, but this way i figure you know, so you can wake up like 20 minutes earlier and have everything ready as soon as i get hungry


re: rubbing my belly

this is totally cool all the time, except when it isn’t. alright see you at dawn


re: red dot update

you were there, so you know i’m not kidding: i almost had it last night. you saw it. i pounced, then i lifted up my paws, and it was gone. then, this morning, it came to me: the red dot can dig! it’s obvious now! why didn’t we think of this before? so anyway that’s why all my litter is on the floor


re: FLY

THERE’S A FLY IN THE APARTMENT THERE’S A FLY HE’S ON THE LIGHT AND I CAN’T REACH THE LIGHT THERE’S A FLY HE’S OVER THERE FLY FLY FLY WHY ARE YOU JUST SITTING THERE ARE YOU SEEING THIS WAIT WHERE’D HE GO zzzz


re: the new human female

she smells weird, man. i keep trying to tell you – don’t you see me sniffing her all the time? okay, not weird, but different. different from you, and way different from the last one. her chin-scratching game is on point, though. i’m not saying you never scratch me on the chin like that anymore, but it’s just nice once in a while, you/i kind of forget. and she does this thing, where it’s like her fingers are walking up stairs? listen, what am i telling you for, you’re right there on the couch. all i’m saying is the verdict is still out on her, and the rest of her scarf is under the fridge.


re: red dot strategy 2.0

i think i’ve got it this time. i’m going to get down low, like usual. then i’m going to raise my butt up in the air, like usual. but then — and here’s how i’m really going to get it this time—then i’m going to run really fast. this one’s a winner, i’m telling you. and once that’s dealt with we can finally get back to that piece of string by the nightstand.