More Donald Trump Fables

Trump ends his rally with an appropriately surreal choice: “a song” that is also “a poem” – about “terrorism”. “Just listen, you’re going to love this.”
*The poem is actually the Al Wilson 70s song “The Snake,” my colleague Jon Swaine points out. It’s not about terrorism.
-Trump reads 70s song as terrorism fable, The Guardian

Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
biggest wall you’ve ever seen,
huge,
it was beautiful.

All the king’s horses
and all the king’s men
tried to bring these drugs,
and this crime,
and all this stuff through the wall.

But they couldn’t,
’cause this wall was there.
You know what I’m saying?

Mexico is going to pay for it.

The Ants and the Grasshopper

A team of ants
worked hard all summer
to prepare for the harsh,
cold winter.

This grasshopper,
he spent all summer goofing off,
not building anything.

Then it gets cold,
and he shows up at the anthill,
expecting a handout.

And they let him in,
because ants are disgusting.
Disgusting.
They collect all of your food,
that you grew in the first place,
and they just give it to this grasshopper.

In ant society,
it’s a queen system.
A woman is running things.
You know what I’m saying?

The Scorpion and the Turtle

This scorpion,
he needs to get across this river,
and he sees a turtle.

He knows turtles are good swimmers,
great swimmers,
some of the all-time best swimmers.
So he asks the turtle to carry him across.

The turtle,
he doesn’t ask this scorpion
why he wants to get over the river.
What’s he need on the other side of the river?
We should have a way to find out.

Anyway,
halfway across the river,
the scorpion says something in scorpion,
and he stings the turtle.
Sound familiar?
You know what I’m saying?

And as they’re sinking,
the turtle says,
why’d you sting me?

Before I – let me tell you this –
before I brought this up,
turtles never even talked about scorpions.
Nobody was talking about it.

So the scorpion, he says,
“I’m a scorpion,
and all scorpions are exactly like me.
And you should always assume the worst from all of us –
from anyone that’s not a turtle, really.”

If we keep out all the non-turtles,
we can make rivers great again.

Turtle rivers for turtles,
you see what I mean?
That’s all I’m saying.