Connor, I have all of these same problems. Thank you for sharing so much. The feeling I have when I think about the instability of the society we live in, that most people I encounter are either nihilistic hedonists, sadomasochists, or both, is definitely fear and loneliness. I really want to be able to physically surround myself with beautiful, virtuous souls. Holding that goal in mind is a major motivation to become as competent and strong as I can be, to acquire the resources I need to make such a dream happen. We can do this. We can win.