8 Things Every Person Should Do Before They’re Born
Life is busy, even if your calendar is completely clear for the next nine months. That’s right, zygotes, I’m talking to you: Quit your whining and get to work.
1. Divide Your Cells
Do you know how many cells the average human being has? I don’t have any concrete data, but it’s certainly more than 100. Maybe more than 1,000. Point is, if you only have one or two cells right now, you’re going to need a lot more before you’re ready to enter the workforce. Hop to it.
2. Meditate All the Time
Most people don’t meditate because they’re busy, and because meditation is super boring. Also, most people have thoughts. You? Depending on how many days it was since you were conceived, you might not even have a brain yet. This is the perfect time to develop a meditation practice.
3. Swim for Several Hours Every Day
Little known fact: Michael Phelps, that swimmer guy, didn’t even start swimming until after he was born. If you start practicing now, you could absolutely CRUSH IT in international Olympic competition. What’s your excuse? No liquid? LOOK AROUND YOU.
4. Have a Well-balanced Diet of Whatever Your Mom is Having
Okay, honestly, you don’t have much choice here.
5. Take Cold Showers
Everybody is always talking about cold showers for some reason. Getting access to cold water could be tricky. Improvise.
6. Read “War and Peace” and “Hamlet”
Did you know that lots of classic books are in the public domain, and you can get them for free on your Kindle? What? You don’t have a Kindle? How about an iPad? Come on! Perhaps you just forgot where you put it—check behind the umbilical cord.
7. Develop a Social Media Strategy
Maybe you’re waiting for your parents to secure your email address and Twitter handle. Well, I hate to break this to you, but your parents are dorks who probably don’t even know what Snapchat is. (It’s that ghost game, right?)
8. Make a Detailed Plan for Your Entire Life
It’s surprising how many newborn babies haven’t formed a specific day-by-day plan for their careers. You can accomplish anything you set your mind to. Well, not really anything, but perhaps something modest. Write it down.