Weekly #14 — Embrace the sadness
How do you embrace your sadness?
Well this week I’ve been hurt by my mom’s words and attitudes and have made up my mind to dive deeply into the feeling. I’ve embraced the sadness to find out why that upsets me, what’s the reason behind it, and how that affects me.
Well.. the biggest takeaway from it was to find out that it all started with a sense of feeling neglected by my parents in my childhood, which it’s not true, but for some reason I felt I was being neglected.
And, guess what?!
This is the core of my perfectionism. Being perfect to win my parent’s love and attention. This is hard to put it down into words and share with you out there. But It brings me relief and It might help someone to clarify their thoughts too.
However, as a mature woman I can make better choices. I’ve embraced the sadness to understand what was going on here inside of my heart. But being eternally sad is definitely not the right choice for me. Instead I chose compassion. Compassion for my mom who has never been loved by her mother. She doesn’t even know how to express her feelings, neither to fill my emotion needs because she has never had that kind of love. Instead of blaming, I’ve chosen to work on this emotional need.
Here’s what I’ve found on wehavekids.com and it has been helping me to have a clear view of it.
Examine and Forgive
“When I started to look at how my mom’s childhood related to my own, though, the puzzle pieces started to fit and a clear, cohesive image appeared. I realized that not only did I need to forgive my mother, but that she deserved my forgiveness”.
Find a Mother Figure
“We wound ourselves when we only look for mothering from one person — our biological moms. The mother archetype is a universal role, someone who’s nurturing, caring, unselfish, and emotionally open. If our own moms don’t fulfill that description, it’s essential we find someone who does: female or male, older or younger, a person who’ll be there for the long haul or just for the immediate situation”.
Mother Yourself
Treat myself well. Eat right. Make time for exercise. Spend time with friends. Have hobbies. We all deserve good treatment from ourselves. Having this mindset is central to improving our lives.
If you like what I’ve shared it, please have a look at the whole article. McKenna Meyers has written a brilliant and helpful post plenty for compassion for those who have been looking for a way to reshape this feelings.
How about you? How have you been dealing of it? Let me know in the comments.
With love,
Jackie
