Quitting Day 2 (Unspeakable word)

1d 20h 35m, Saved $13.32

Carbon Monoxide: 100% Honey Roasted Peanuts: 1 lbs.

Nicotine Expelled: 89%

“I love and respect my body. My boys deserve to have a father that is healthy. I love my life and want to live as long as possible. I will honor my body and heart. I will honor my children.” Yep, new mantra. It was recommended by two very wise friends I know, Interesting I was going to write wise women here, but then I realized what does them being women have to do with the story? Anyhow these wise friends advised that I remove the words cigarette and smoking. That I should focus on honoring my body and my health for me and my children. Even as I type the words cigarette or smoking I feel the rush of blood up the back of my neck into my head. The pressure the body places on the mind to give in. This signals the mind and the mind start to justify. You still have those coupons. What is one more pack going to do you’ll be fine? You know you’re not strong enough? I grab the 2 lbs. container of honey roasted peanuts. I scoop up a handful with my other hand. I place the container on the beige carpeted floor. I have a habit of dispensing the nuts from my full hand to my other hand and then placing half the nuts in my mouth. “Nuts in my mouth” come on friend get your mind out of the gutter. I do this twice and then I have to go wash my hands. I can’t stand the feeling of sugar and salt on my hand. Wiping them off does no good. I have to wash them. This distracts my thoughts from going back to the unspeakable words. Shit my thoughts are back there again.

“I love and respect my body. My boys deserve to have a healthy father. I love my life and want to live as long as possible. I will honor my body and heart. I will honor my children.”

Let’s try another distraction or practice. Let’s write down all the things that I dislike about smoking and why I dislike them.

The control an inanimate object has over me, because no one and nothing should control my emotional state. I should allow my emotions to flow. To come and go as they please, but none should consume me like the desire to smoke. Damn it I mean not be healthy.

It limits my dating potential. I don’t enjoy limiting my prospects and when I think about it I would prefer a woman who doesn’t smoke, Shit, I mean a woman that honors her body.

Wasting my friend named money on something so bad for me. Money and I have started to rekindle our friendship. I’ve apologized to him for calling him evil and he has decided to consider returning to my life. I’m very hopeful that we can fall in love one day and be best friends.

Horrible sleep and low energy. I can already feel the increased energy, although it makes me feel a little manic. I feel I’ll get control over it and be able to yield it to my benefit. Now when I sleep I’ll snore less. I know my snoring is bothersome to people and it means I’m not sleeping well, so I’m excited for that.

Shortening my life and the quality of living. Not honoring my body and allowing the consumption of poison shortens my life and my dreams are massive. I’m going to need all the time I have to make them a reality. Also I want to be raging at raves in my eighties. No way I’m going to be able to do that and poison myself all the time.

You are waiting for smell and taste aren’t you? Honestly this can be a bad thing. I once failed at quitting due to a smell at work. I decided having my sense of smell wasn’t necessarily a good thing. I should probably rethink this and go out and smell the flowers. Isn’t that right my two wise friends, who happen to be woman and are beautiful.

The battle rages on. Who will win in the end? I think you all know.

I Love You All

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