The past two years have been a bit of a nightmare for me. The one leading up to a year ago September was nothing more than brutal. I cant go into the details, but I just got more depressed till I felt like I was sat on the edge of a black hole with inches to spare before I fell in.
One night I just switched off and took a shed load of painkillers, really strong ones, ones that should have killed me. Instead 30 hours later I woke to find myself under my table in the living room, with pressure sores all from my feet to my head. What I was doing there I dont know, I started off after taking the p;ills in bed. I had a huge hole in my foot, which took months to heal and has left a big scar on my foot.
For the next 5 weeks I spent them in hospital, 4 weeks in a general hospital and a week in a psychiatric unit. Why they wanted that I dont know as the general team saw me fit to walk to the shops on my own. The Psychiatic hospital saw me on 24hr suicide watch. I still cant work that one out.
The last year has seen my try to commit suicide again, on New Years eve, and again, I failed, somebody doesnt want me to go yet, some guardian angel keeping and eye on me.
Since my second suicide attempt I have developed as well as deep depression, a psychosis, which lasted about 6 months and they kept threatening to section me, because of my erratic behaviour. Eventually, I went into hospital voluntarily, and for the next two weeks I had a horrendous time. Even though I was a voluntary patient I was still heavily restricted in what I could do. Every day I wondered when they would let me out. Eventually, they did.
Its been a hard struggle for the past 6 months, trying to keep myself from falling back into that big depression, I see it there in the distance, but so far I have managed to keep it at bay. They put me on meds which are working but I feel like a pharmacy with all the meds I have.
I’m still not right, though I now have support from various places, which helps a lot..
