How can “I can do whatever I want” attitude be dangerous? (my story)
To understand this story, you need to know the attitude we are talking about wasn’t always this way inside me. It had to feel inspiration to wake up and till the certain point of my life I hadn’t thought even close to this “You can do everything”.
Till June, 2013 you could have said I was pretty shy, always in the background (still like it though), didn’t really know a lot about my future life, didn’t have any plans. But anyways I did something that totally changed my life. And I will put it here as simple as I can: I met new people.
There is a blogger in Poland who basically lives his live, not just watches it passing by. He organized some kind of a weekend workshop in Cracow in June. Until today I am asking myself this question: “Why did you go there?” and to be honest I have no idea. There wasn’t anything like “I have enough of my life”, “I need to change something”. I guess I just needed a new adventure, new experience in life, I was off school, so why not?
I arrived there with a girl who was also coming to this workshop from my city. I perfectly remember the first place we entered; full of people already, some of them still arriving. The first task for us was to stand in two circles face-to-face with someone and for 5 minutes talk to each other, then change a person, take another 5 minutes , change again. So the vastness of positives vibes, energy that hit me at that point was that moment. Everything changed. Yes, in one moment. You probably heard people saying things don’t happen just like that. They do. But the process of you preparing for this (probably unconsciously in the biggest part) takes time, that’s for sure.
The energy I am talking about is the people saying me: “I came here hitch-hiking”, “On Monday I am going to bungee jump”, “I have travelled without money in Asia for 2 months”, etc. I realized: Shit, they do more during one day than I during a week. But no, it wasn’t that moment when you say “OK, from now on I am gonna live my life”, because don’t delude yourself, it doesn’t work when you have to say it like that. Imagine that you have a certain set put into your mind and within a few seconds someone just entirely replaced it. That was the feeling; after that I didn’t have to keep telling myself “I’m gonna do this”, because I just did it. I guess that was also the time when I made my first “Before I die” list.
After this meeting my attitude was “I can do everything I want”. I don’t have to say how wonderful is life when you get this stuck in your mind, but being on one side of the spectrum (instead of sitting in the middle) might be harmful — actually will be, it’s just a matter of time.
It’s hard for me to say if since that June I have started to be ambitious, maybe there’s no such a thing, maybe you live your life or you don’t — and if you do, they call it ambitious. Anyways, the world started to pay my attention; I started to read books, watch movies, I stopped wasting my time, found my passion, made friends.
Then I started my studies at a university, Hungarian Linguistics is my major. My first semester routine was like: I woke up at 6 am, revised the vocabulary from before, eat breakfast — learning new vocabulary, went to the class — learning, between classes — learning, after class — learning, at the weekends — learning. Yes, that was my life from September 2014 till January 2015. Pretty boring. Then for the winter break I was a zombie. Couldn’t even see a word in Hungarian, because I would just die, whatever. But doing so didn’t mean I hated this language or my studies. I did it because I enjoyed it so much. And you can do everything, right? So after a year of studying I was able to use only Hungarian for hours.
Going further, my thoughts were like “Gonna learn all the languages in the world”, “Gonna see the whole world”, “Gonna read every book, watch every movie”. It seems stupid to me now, but it wasn’t then, yet you can do everything, right?
So what’s the problem? Well, apparently my mindset mixed and “You’re ambitious” got married with “You can do everything”, their child is called “If you can do everything, do everything, now”. Which means that if I don’t do it right now, I kind of stop believing I can do anything plus I stop being ambitious. In addition to that — when I didn’t do anything useful I felt like I was loosing my life.
I reached the point when I realized this and I wanted to share this with you.
Now I will just have to change my mindset a little bit. I did it once and besides, you can do everything, right? ;)