The Gap Year: Between Undergrad and Grad School
All around me, everyone seemed so sure of themselves. Either heading to graduate school because research is their one true love in a very specific narrowed down area or heading off into an industry job at a company they have already interned at. It was my last year as an undergraduate, and I did not feel completely sure either way. I had only research oriented internships, and I did not feel confident committing to any specific area in my field. What if there is more out there that I just have not been exposed to? How do I even know what I love and should spend the rest of my life doing?
And to be honest, I was burnt out from school. I was a determined student in high school and that continued on through college. My course work as a physics student was rigorous and my activism advocating for black science students packed on top of it left me exhausted. I heard my inner self telling me to take some time to process all the development that happened during my undergraduate years.
My many mentors supported me but cautioned that I should go ahead and power through because many people say they will go back to school and never do. People often get comfortable or content with their careers without a higher graduate degree. Those who understood my need for a break, suggested that I only take one year because two years would be too long and surely I wouldn’t actually end up going back.
Each person is different, and all that advice is good for many people. But I chose to go with my gut and trust my instincts. There are always those older and wiser folks who offer valuable insights that I am grateful for and continuously seek. At the same time, there is something deep inside me that at times speaks much louder and stronger than any external sources. I am not talking about all the thoughts running wild in my head daily, I am talking about the voice inside of me that requires my discernment and trust in myself even to hear the few times it appears.
So with my degree in physics and my plan to pursue my Ph.D., I took a two year ‘break’ between undergrad and a Ph.D. program. Here are the lessons I learned along the way.
1. Taking time away from academia will make you a better student
This is something a few graduate students mentioned to me when I was considering taking time off after undergrad, but it was difficult for me to understand this at that time. How could potentially forgetting everything I learned make me a better student?
The truth is, taking time away from academia and working in industry or any other part of the work force has many benefits.
- Develop financial skills: determine a monthly budgeting plan, set up retirement investment accounts, file taxes, etc
- Initiate social relationships: making friends as an adult outside of an academic community requires choice and initiative
- Health, dental and mental health management: find and schedule appointments, explore mental health treatment options (mindfulness, medication, behavioral therapy, yoga, etc), have your wisdom teeth removed or any other procedure you didn’t have time for in college
- Position yourself in a community: find local activist groups with causes that you care about and want to be involved in, connect with groups of people who have a hobby you want to further explore, become a mentor or coach
- Effectively navigating a regular work schedule: wake up and go to bed at the same time, get used to being productive for 8 hours straight with no naps (unlike undergrad where you spread out productivity throughout the day and night), develop a work-life balance you are comfortable with
Basically, having developed the ability to take care of yourself and be an active functioning participant in society will absolutely make you a better graduate student. Because graduate school as a Ph.D. student is really more like a job than simply a continuation of a undergrad. So if you come into grad school ready to take on a regular work schedule, you should be much better off than if you approach it like a hectic overly stressed undergrad student.
2. Be intentional about how you spend your gap year but leave room for processing
Given my background from a low income family, apart of why I wanted to take some time off after undergrad was to make money so that I could show gratitude to my mom for all her sacrifices over my life. With a degree in physics and a desire to explore industry, I landed a job as an engineer at a large aerospace company right outside of my hometown.
The first few months, I guess I was making up for chronic exhaustion from undergrad because I worked regular hours (7am to 3pm) and had the rest of my day free. I watched a lot of tv shows, spent time with my family, processed all the changes in my world, etc.
With so much free time, I started to realize that I was back ‘at home’ in my city but I had not grown most of my relationships with my development into an adult. I found myself hanging out with friends I was super close with in high school and trying to just pick up where we left off. Same thing with some family members. We needed to get to know each other now that I am an adult. To say I changed a lot in college would be an understatement. I was exposed to so many different types of people from various socioeconomic backgrounds and world views. And people back home had also changed. So we needed some time to get to know each other again.
While I didn’t have the luxury of spending my gap year backpacking in Europe like some of my peers, I have been able to slow down and process the woman I became while an undergrad college.
This is one of the reasons I highly recommend taking time off after undergrad to experience the ‘real world’ outside of life as a student. You have time to sit with yourself and face who you are in the world. Your rational brain is almost fully developed and it may be worth exploring how you ended up.
At the same time, be strategic and change your plan as you learn and develop over that time.
3. It is wise to complete at least a draft grad school application the last year of undergrad
Just because I chose not to follow exactly as my mentors suggested, doesn’t mean I disregarded all of their valid concerns. One of the things I was told that I know to be true is once you get into the groove of everyday life (working a regular schedule), it will be difficult to set aside time to put together a competitive application. Ph.D. program applications require a personal statement, letters of recommendation, standardized test scores, and transcripts. It is much easier to produce a well written peer reviewed statement of purpose while in an academic environment. More importantly, it is much easier to request and manage letters of recommendation while still at the university with your faculty. Something many of my peers missed the mark on with their grad applications was letters of recommendation.
First, students don’t fully appreciate the weight of a faculty letter of recommendation in the graduate application. I had one well respected science professor inform me that he looks at letters of recommendation before anything else when choosing students for his program. Only if he has reservations about the student after reading letters of recommendation does he review test scores and grades. This is because letters of recommendation are written by faculty to faculty, so they provide more insight into what your potential Ph.D. adviser can expect of you from the perspective of their peers.
Second, faculty and researchers are super busy and have many deadlines at the same time as your application. It is your job as the applicant to make sure their process of writing you a letter is as smooth and easy as possible, which means you do have to manage your letter writers with respect and care. This means in the email requesting the letter (email is only appropriate if you already have a relationship with this professor or they have written you letters before), you should already have a summary of what you need this person to focus on (research potential, etc), deadlines, links for submission and any other information they may need to complete this letter. Throughout the process, you have to be checking in with them making sure they have everything they need and that they remember the deadline. It is your job. And if you do not do it, even some of the best scientists will miss the deadline to submit their letter and your application will be incomplete.
So, if you do take a gap year or two or three and plan to enter a Ph.D. program, prepare an application during your last year as an undergrad regardless. Put together a serious application complete with letters of recommendation and standardized test scores. If you are admitted, you may be able to defer admission, which means you do not have to apply again. If you are not admitted or unable to defer or simply don’t want to commit to a specific program yet, you will have a draft application that will be much simpler to edit than starting from scratch after having been away from school for some time.
That last year during undergrad, I was so anxious and beaten up by the weight of school that I thought for sure I would not be admitted to any Ph.D. programs. And a few professors in my department made sure to remind me that I needed to be prepared if that happened. I decided I would apply anyway mostly so that I could have a solid application draft for the next year because I knew at this point I wanted to take at least one year off before starting the graduate program. When I was accepted into my top two programs, I ended up being approved to defer my admission for 2 years.
So I committed to the Harvard Applied Physics Ph.D. program and deferred my admission.
4. Invest in your love and happiness. Ain’t nothin wrong with it!
There were three phases in my two years. i) recovery ii) investment iii) confident resolution. As stated, I spent a large amount of the first year recovering my mental health, my relationships, my well being, my community connections, my love for science. Then, many things happened all in a short period. My grandmother, my mother’s mother, was diagnosed with breast cancer and we began supporting her through the treatment process. My aunt, my mother’s sister, who had been battling with heart disease passed away. All of my close friendships from high school ended suddenly.
Ironically, this is when I felt grateful that I was home with family instead of away consumed in my studies. I was fully present in all of this and as I worked through these struggles, I gained so much more trust in my own intuition. That voice inside of me that had told me for sure that I needed to go home after undergrad for some time was right. I am so thankful I got to spend the last few months of my aunt’s life with her and that I was there to help my grandmother through her battle with breast cancer. While painful, I am also thankful that I was confident enough to require that all of my relationships grow with me even though that meant losing friends I thought would always be there.
During this first year, I was in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years. All of the loss I was experiencing made me face myself and be honest about wanting to invest in love for myself while also realizing how temporary time here on earth can be.
As a female scientist, I wanted to make sure to never fall into the trap of letting a man deter my career. I was trying to be so careful that I found it frightening to admit that I wanted to include romantic love and companionship in my life plans. At times, it seemed like admitting this to myself would I was not prioritizing a successful career. And it is true that in many situations women are expected to sacrifice and compromise for the benefit of their partner’s careers. But this was not and is not my reality so I decided to live in my truth. Also, I am not a long distance relationship person, I desire physical companionship. And at this moment, I felt at peace with my family back home enough to leave.
So I decided to transfer to my company’s DC location and move in with my then, fiance. Note: at this point, we were both financially independent and able to take care of ourselves without one another. It was important to me that each of us feel secure in ourselves as adults on our own before joining together.
I fell in love with the DC/Virginia/Maryland (DMV) area. And spent the next few months assigned to a new team at my company. Until, I realized…I missed research.
5. Figuring out what you don’t like helps figure out what you do
As much as I love the DMV area at large, I found myself struggling to roll out of bed and go into a job I felt less than passionate about. Read more about my decision to leave this job on a separate blog post. Every day while I was bored at work, I found myself reading scientific research articles. Once a week, I would find research remotely interesting conducted in the DMV and send the contact an email asking if they had any opportunities available for a short appointment. At this point, I only had 8 months before I would begin my Ph.D. program.
To my surprise, after a couple of weeks I got two offers. I chose to join a small medical physics startup. This would get me back into research and still allow me to pay my bills, perfect!
Now that I am starting my Ph.D. program, I am reflecting on the fact that I was able to try out multiple projects as an industry engineer and then as a researcher. I realize that I did not enjoy the engineering projects I did as much as I used to enjoy scientific research.
Remember, one of my reasons for taking the ‘gap year(s)’ was to figure out if research is truly how I want to spend the rest of my life. YASSSSS I did that!
The most important part of this aspect of my experience is I realize now the value in figuring out what you don’t like on your journey to self discovery. Especially when you are trying to get the most out of your gap year.
Even if you know exactly what you want to focus on and who you want your adviser to be as a graduate student, you may still benefit from taking some time off. I particularly recommend it for anyone who may be feeling burnt out or chronically exhausted after undergrad, anyone looking to explore multiple interests, and anyone interested in getting a better hold on adulthood sooner rather than later.
in freedom,
Jamelle
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