My Inconvenient Journey Into Christ: Part 1 — Does God Exist?
This blog is my story of how a dedication to absolute truth over the course of years has led me to God and Christ… a journey through studying science, philosophy, theology, apologetics, history, psychology and, most importantly, studying myself.
I would now identify myself as a Christian, but I really didn’t want to be one! So I’ll start my story by explaining why I resisted the reality of Christ through expressing my experiences of Christianity as a child. After all, that’s where our spiritual beliefs originate if we don’t question them.
As a Child, Church & Christianity Wasn’t ‘Cool’
In my case my parents met through church, I was christened as a baby (still have the Bible from that!) and as a family growing up we used to go to church each Sunday. Some of my first memories of a child are of church and Sunday School. However, as time passed, I went more out of negative obligation… so when my parents separated, I simply stopped going. As an 11-year-old I would much rather lie in bed, watch TV, play computer games and then maybe think about doing my homework. That was going to get me somewhere in life, not sitting in a church hall! My mum was battling with her depression to the extent that she wasn’t willing and able to escort us for the short walk to church. I turned down the offer of the Sunday School teacher to walk me down. Why was that? I simply didn’t identify with the churchgoing people; in hindsight, I found them self-righteous, judgmental and patronising. I also didn’t believe in God and so I felt hypocritical to sit in a room on the premise of I believed in something I didn’t think was true or real.
This happened because no one at church had really sat me down to talk about what it actually meant to be a Christian. I was also scared that other kids at school would know I went to church because it was embarrassing… it wasn’t exactly ‘cool’ to be a Christian after all. Why suffer the mocking for something that I didn’t believe in?!? That’s where I came from and through various experiences, I would have at best described myself as agnostic or ‘spiritual but not religious’.
When I Sought Meaning, But Church Was Not An Option
So fast-forward a few years to a point in my life when I started to go through feelings of emptiness, meaninglessness and depression. This was despite seemingly having a ‘good life’ in my late twenties where I was ticking all the boxes; degree, promising career, property ownership, active social life etc. Deep down I felt a quiet desperation to do something about my unfulfilled life. I wanted to understand why I felt the way I did. The idea of going to church came into mind as a solution but I completely dismissed that with a “NO!! Anything but that!!” The little boy who hated going to church came out. I would then add things like having to commit to something bigger than me and what that entailed… things like no sex before marriage, giving things up for Lent, attending boring church sermons and irritating churchgoers really did not appeal!
Finding Meaning In Self-Development
So through some soul-searching I started to find solutions from personal development. I’d been avid reader of self-help books for years, but I took things to a new level in being coached before deciding I wanted to become a life coach myself. My life seemed like it was ‘back on track’! Reflecting back I remember I was mocked for this, but I also started to connect with people who I felt a greater kinship with. I’d felt lonely for much of my life and I could feel that changing. I met my mentor Chris and he, along with others, provided me with the love and the guidance that had been lacking in my life. I was involved in a series of leadership development programs that opened my eyes to what my potential was. I had never laughed and cried so much in my life till then… and through this all I was finding the meaning and purpose that had been missing in my life.
As a result of this journey I made the decision to leave full-time employment in the charity sector to become an Associate Partner at Lighthouse Global. I wanted to help people in the way I’d been helped. I was excited about my future and the ideas I wanted to bring to fruition; to transform the education system, make a difference and succeed financially too. Family, friends and colleagues were pretty indifferent to all this and so I persisted with our pioneering research into human potential… to learn why everyday, good-hearted people like me struggled to create the value they need to make the difference in areas they felt passionate about.
There I was, plugging away for years, working on all sorts of projects and initiatives; learning and growing, but slowly and not truly transforming! I was still dogged by my fear of people and lack of confidence... but I believed I would overcome these somehow, just not sure how! Then I was presented with something that was inconvenient to explore and discover…
Question Every Relationship… Except a Relationship With God?
A lot of my work at Lighthouse has been questioning every aspect of my life; my relationship with things like money, work, women, family, success and failure. Yet there was one area I had avoided… my relationship with God. And there was good reason for this; I cringed at just the sound of the word and that’s before we even get to Jesus Christ!
So when I was sent a couple of videos by Chris (below) without much of an introduction I was pretty sceptical, borderline-cynical to say the least.
I remember the first time I watched this and was so incredibly inspired by the precision of the Universe; the beauty and intricacy was awe-inspiring. Then the piece of Bible scripture came up at the end and I thought, “What is this?!??”
Despite that, I decided to watch the second video…
Man, I can remember how I cringed at the end of this when the lady says, “God”! This went against all I had chosen to believe for pretty much all of my life. Yet the logic was sound… how could that be?
Starting My Journey To Look Into God With Fresh Eyes
I watched these and literally thought… what is this all about?!? Together with my scepticism and cynicism I was confused, inspired and intrigued! After all, I was here to start a business, I wasn’t here to learn about God! Why was this relevant to me? Yet at the same time, I was presented with scientific reasoning to believe in God with sound arguments that I’d never been presented with from Christians at church and in my family.
A few days later I sat down with Chris and another good friend Jai at a pub in Weybridge. I can still remember where we were sat years later! We had an incredibly meaningful conversation about what these videos meant to us. The three of us came from different backgrounds; Church of England, Catholicism and Sikhism, but we were all investigating this area of our life with fresh eyes in a very real and human way. For instance, I remember sharing my experience of travelling to Ayres Rock where on one night I lay on a bench, looked up at the night sky and just thought WOW!!! Could this incredible Universe really come from nothing with no intelligence behind it all?!?
And that’s where my journey began… a journey into absolute truth through a dedication to reality. If you’d like to learn more about what I’ve learnt since and/or have questions, then please feel free to email me or connect via LinkedIn. Currently I’m involved with developing the Christian Response Forum that’s bringing together conscientious Christians who recognise our need to respond as Christians to the suffering of the vulnerable.
James
PS Below is a powerful video that gives more scientific backing to the existence of God…
