How to: the perfect new year’s resolution 

Day one of 2014, like many people I’m sat on a long distance train heading for London. Also, I’m very hungover.

To distract myself from my pounding head and alleviate the boredom of the quiet coach I’ve been trying for some time to think of a killer new year’s resolution. My motives, as always, are two-fold. Firstly I really would like to “better myself”, but also I want to make other people insanely jealous when they hear it. This of course will have to be subtly done, I’m imagining slipping my new year’s resolution coyly into casual conversation in as blasé a way as possible then trying as hard as possible to hide my internal smugness when I see their dumbstruck face.

The trouble here of course is that thinking of the perfect new years resolution is bloody hard. So, rather than do that I’ve devised a handy list to help:

1. Think long term. Remember a year is a long time but your resolution should be on this scale. “dry January” doesn’t count.
2. Aim small. It’s much easier, and more sustainable, to do something small lots of times rather than something big a few times. A good example here (my resolution from last year *smugface*) would be always walking on escalators rather than standing on the right like like a lemon.
3. Add, don’t take. Don’t give up anything fun, instead add something new to your routine. Life’s too short to not do something you enjoy. Drinking is fun, so “Not drinking Gin” is a terrible idea but “Eating an apple a day” is good.
4. Reward yourself. When your resolution is going well give yourself a treat. If you’ve walked up escalators all week pop into the greasy spoon and pick up a bacon sandwich on your way to work on Friday. It’s fun and it lets you slip your resolution into casual chat with your co-workers when you get to the office.
5. Steal resolutions. If you’re struggling for inspiration ask around and then steal other peoples ideas.
6. Change to beat failure. Failure of new years resolutions is inevitable, rather than scrapping your resolution embrace the failure and find a way to make it easier. For example, if you’re finding it hard to cycle to work everyday a new bike will work wonders and will be much more satisfying than cycling 3 days a week.
7. Stop reading start resolving. Just make sure its not “dry January”.

In case you were wondering my new year’s resolution is to write more. Nailing it so far.