Saying “No” In Order To Say “Yes”

Should you say “No” more, or should you say “Yes” more? I was enlightened on this subject by a recent talk that Shantell Martin gave at the Refinery29 HQ.

I’m an introvert. Saying “No” is almost like a reflex. However, throughout my life and my professional career I’ve gradually warmed up to the idea of saying “Yes.” Undoubtedly, it has done great things for me.

Shantell Martin, an inspiring artist, stopped by the Refinery29 HQ to give a talk about her life and her art as part of our internal professional development “Smart Sips” speaker series.

Shantell recapped her path of traveling from London to Tokyo, eventually landing in New York, all while defining her own unique style along the way.

During the Q&A, Shantell fielded a few questions from us regarding client work and her control over the art she produces. She riffed off of one of her answers into an interesting piece of subjective advice.

People will naturally say “No” as their first response. If you need to hesitate and feel like you should say “No” then say “No.” We often say “No” a lot more because we’re more comfortable with it. Eventually No’s will lead to more Yes’ down the road. You’ll say “No” to this, “No” to that, but afterwords you’ll find yourself saying “Yes” to this, “Yes” to that. As long as you come from good intentions, then the Yes’ will start to come more naturally.

From this Shantell really got me thinking about my personal journey and my path of saying “No” to saying “Yes.”

Despite all of the debate going around on whether you should say Yes more or say No more, Shantell’s words allowed me to solidify my philosophy on the issue through my personal experience.

If you want to put yourself in a position to say “Yes” more you’ll need to go through a lot of “No’s.”

Regardless of whether or not Yes or No is right answer on a situation-by-situation basis, you will say “No” a lot initially. But it’s necessary in order to feel more comfortable with the idea of saying “Yes.”

No.

Early on in my life I said “No,” a lot. It was safe, it was comfortable, and it saved me a lot of energy. It was also boring, uninteresting, and as I grew unhappy, nothing new ever happened in my life. Although “No” was just the easier thing to do, it wasn’t very fulfilling.

“Yes” is risky, it can also lead to a lot of extra work. It also means change. Change is unfamiliar. Change is scary. I don’t want to change.

Or do I?

Yes!

I needed to go through that experience under the tyranny of “No” in order to become more comfortable with the idea of saying “Yes.” It was from this realization that I began saying “Yes” more.

We all need that for ourselves. To understand how “No” can be holding us back, so that “Yes” becomes the more comfortable answer.

Putting it to work

When it comes to my work and designing products, I’ve learned to flip the script. When presented with new tasks, my first instinct is to say “Yes” to everything. I will try to make it work.

It opens up unlimited possibilities and opportunities for innovation. Even if I fail, the benefit from the experience alone is worth the risk.