Sexual Misconduct & Ugly Christmas Sweaters
Recently and on @twitter Soledad O’Brien opened a discussion on
“this ‘spectrum of wrong doing’ concept that Matt Damon raised.” She presented a logical argument that I paraphrase as ‘for sexual misconduct, there is a range of bad behavior and the punishments should match the misconduct.’ An extreme example would be to say that the punishment for rape shouldn’t be the same as a punishment for an off-color joke. Although this is an extreme example, without due process, it is impossible for us to determine if Harvey Weinstein’s job loss was caused by behavior that was similar to that of Tavis Smiley who also lost his job for sexual misconduct. On social media, Ms. O’Brien received moderate support and considerable backlash. I paraphrase the counter argument as ‘Matt Damon’s comment encourages rape culture and why are we eager to protect the rights of men when, for many years, we ignored the rights and physical protection of women.’
Clearly there is merit to both arguments. However, I am very much in the ‘Matt Damon shut the hell up’ camp and my ugly Christmas sweater may help to explain why. Last year, I told my wife that, for a party, I needed to buy an ugly Christmas sweater. My wife, who is super frugal and a great balance to my “if I want it, then I’ll buy it” attitude, told me that there was no reason I needed to buy a sweater that I would only wear once. Instead, she would make an ugly Christmas sweater. Before I could go to Nordstrom to buy a sweater, she and my daughters made an ugly Christmas sweater that had operating Christmas lights on the back and bows on the front. On the back, the words read, “Ho Ho Ho” and, on the front, the words read, “Where my ho’s at?” which I thought was hilarious when I wore it...last year. This year, there is no way in hell that I’m walking out of the house wearing that sweater. I am taking no chances in doing anything that may be considered sexual inappropriate in or near a work environment. My change of behavior and newfound consideration is the direct result of the brave words spoken and written by women including Soledad O’Brien. For sexual misconduct and punishment, the pendulum may swing too far but, immediately, it needs to swing in another direction.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve thought deeply about whether or not I’ve said or did something inappropriate. In the workplace, I think that I’m OK but if confronted, then I’ll apologize first and ask clarifying questions second. Outside of the workplace and before I met my wife, I’ve made some mistakes. I do believe that God recognizes that I had some lessons to learn and blessed me with two daughters, a lovely wife along with my sister, mom and my daughters’ two female guinea pigs (I think there names are Ginger and Princess. I mostly stay away from them except when I’m sneaking carrots into their cage).
