My father once locked his boss in a walk in fridge for three hours because he didn’t get a promotion. So by family standards I am doing okay. But this afternoon I swore at my boss.

If there is a rule number one about being a good employee (or not being a shitty employee), its probably don’t swear at your boss, especially not in an open plan office, especially not when he is partly right and especially not when he has been paying your salary for eight months without the company making any money.

That’s actually the second rule. The first rule for me is don’t have a boss. I swear at myself all I like and I like it all the more that I do it. Anyway, you could say I am already headed in that direction because I resigned last week. So its a pretty stupid time to swear at anybody — just as you are saying goodbye.

But I am pretty shitty at endings so things usually end on good terms at the initial meeting when everyone agrees that this is what’s going to happen and then just before its all over I explode like an egg in a microwave and people are still clearing it up for weeks after.

So anyway, I wrote myself some rules just in case I ever had a boss again:

1. Resign as soon as you are able.
2. Don’t swear at your boss.
3. Know when to say sorry.
4. Don’t crash before the end.
5. Don’t take anyone else with you.
6. Don’t turn fear into anger.
7. Don’t bottle up anger like too much fizzy lemonade.
8. Learn to sit up straight — it brings balance to everything.
9. Don’t believe in your own hype.
10. Be humble but unafraid.

A lady in the office next to ours went for a run last week and had a heart attack. She was in her forties and had a husband and two kids. So I guess that’s a good point from which to take some perspective.

Life is too short to be angry; so don’t swear at your fucking boss.