This makes me despair that women will ever take responsibility for their lives but always, on average, default to hanging onto male agency for security and a sense of identity. Has it occurred to you how implicated you are in the damage these incomprehensibly self-centered, pathological examples of male egotism do in the world? Oh, but he was so compelling in some way. He is compelling because he gave you the opportunity to lose yourself or fulfill an ambition. Yes, you own this but it is still Lysistrata in reverse, white women rewarding and encouraging the most pernicious, destructive aspects of masculinity with their sexuality and then stepping back, surveying the damage, and saying, “damn, what a mess, but it’s all a part of my journey.” As though only the men are accountable or, maybe, nobody.
Fuck that. It’s fatalism, at best. For Christ’s sake, look at Trump. This shit is destroying the world and the white women of America, an incredibly powerful group, carry on navel-gazing their way into a future probably ending in calamity. White women can unelect Trump in 2020 and I am worried sick about what is going to happen because they can’t even be counted on not to vote for him. They voted for Bush in ‘04 after he had proven himself a war criminal. Was that his potential or what? How do you square this with anything? I can only do it by concluding that the white women of America are utterly spoiled and full of shit. They are WAY more attached to their privilege than their principles.
Trump is a hydrogen bomb of abusive masculinity and the white women of America voted for him. It wasn’t even close. HIS potential was realized at least in certain ways — the possibility of remaining a sociopathic adolescent forever, if you can call that potential. Note that, in their personal lives, women are voting for men when they sleep with them. The feelings you describe are not about the finding among women of “self” but about its obliteration, as you admit. I have had women evanescence in front of my eyes in this way, losing the seemingly independent person I was attracted to in the first place. Only egotists want it, a woman as a mirror to themselves. As long as women continue to offer it up the supply of the men who desire it will not diminish.
The men you describe are among the most “fulfilled” group of people in history and you not only didn’t help them escape from their problems you helped keep them there, just as enormous subsidies of every kind are required to keep an energy sink like Trump afloat, the fucking parasite. Own your shit. It makes me ill that the supposedly enlightened women of our age, by implication if not directly, look down on and criticize the female aborigines of pre- and proto-feminist America. I knew these women, and they were stronger and more independent, productive and resilient than the modern generation, WHILE not constantly whining their heads off. And they did it in dresses.
In the end I think a feminist assertion is validated, that social stereotypes and norms have historically over-emphasized gender differentiation. Women are probably as screwed up as men, only somewhat differently. But pity the poor white men who heard and heeded the wailing of those early ‘70s feminists, empowering women in every way they could only to witness white women making fools of us by consistently voting for Republicans. Still, the white women myopically controlling the Democratic platform refuse to alter that and we lose now even when we win, watching the country drifting inexorably rightward and plunging into insanity.