The James Kettle Moment #16: The Askwith Apotheosis (a play for voices)

James Kettle
Aug 24, 2017 · 3 min read

One of the advantages of writing radio drama is that you can encourage the listener to draw their own pictures, far more vivid than those that might be captured by the flat and unimaginative gaze of the camera. This new work by James Kettle (global representation: Big Jack’s Talent Hut & Pet Crematorium) is an imaginative audio drama in the tradition of Dylan Thomas’s Under Milk Wood and Samuel Beckett’s After The Fall. In the play, two speakers pronounce powerful pieces of deeply-felt personal testimony. One voice tells us the experiences of a Carmelite nun succumbing to the effects of malaria in 1920s Tanganyika. While the other voice recites the User Reviews posted online at the Celebrity Nudity Database of the nude film appearances of the British comic actor Robin Askwith. The end result is both provocative, and at the same time deeply moving.

First Voice
Cold. Cold, then hot. The sweat falls and the sheets stick. Outside I hear noise but inside my head there is only silence. I look to the ceiling where the shadows of the fan form a mocking crucifix.

Second Voice
Confessions Of A Driving Instructor, 1976. Robin Askwith, as always gets very nude in his movies, but this is the only one where you get a good view of his penis. It is in the bathroom scene where he is having sex with an older woman. When he dives into the bath, his penis and balls are clearly seen. As usual, his ass, and body are on display throughout this film. Amazing.

First Voice
I felt my mother holding me. My mother, gone all these years, back and holding me. And then the delusion cleared. What I thought was her warm breath was just the suggestion of a breeze coming up from Lake Victoria. Where are you, mother? Where is comfort? And where is God?

Second Voice
Confessions Of A Pop Performer, 1975. The first nudity from the slim Askwith in this sex comedy is the top half of his backside as he’s pulling his underpants up. Then we see all of his backside, from a distance, as he’s dangling from a window ledge. Later we see his bum during a sex scene in a theatre props room; and then again in another sex scene, this time in a record shop.

First Voice
The priests come and go. They speak their words, make their anointments. I am not Margaret. I am a soul in transit, a spirit that the flesh still clings to like the sheets of this bed clings to me. I remember the kiss of the boy who fetched the nets in the bay. I can hear the song he sang, tilly-oh-lay, tilly-oh-lay.

Second Voice
Confessions Of A Window Cleaner, 1974. Robin Askwith is nude throughout his excellent lighthearted smutty little movie. You see him in various different sexual positions with woman, and nude in other ways, such as running away from angry husbands. You see his ass and body throughout the movie, but no penis shots! His body is in very good shape.

First Voice
They are carrying me, I fancy. I can feel their hands under me, but when I open my eyes there is nobody here. And yet I feel them. Will it be cool down there, where I take my final rest?

Second Voice
Tower Of Evil, 1972. Askwith has never been shy and has probably been naked in more of his films then he’s been clothed, so I was expecting really good nudity from him in this. Unfortunately, all I got was a brief, dark rear as he pulls his trousers up, getting out of bed. This is about 35–40 minutes into the movie.

First Voice
I scream out to the Christ on the wall, and there comes back no reply.

Second Voice
Cool It, Carol!, 1972. His first butt shot is when he is in the first 15 minutes when he is on top Carol after making love in the train compartment. Near the end of the movie he is making a porn movie with Carol and there what was then considered an explcit (but fuzzy) shot of him on top of Carol with his hips in between her spread legs. Nice full length shots even though are from behind. And very early in his career.

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James Kettle

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writing scripts for things

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