So I don’t think anyone actually learns how to flirt. Flirting is one of those esoteric conceptions cultivated by mass media, film and television in a way that seems as if it were derived from the real world but in actuality never, ever, ever turns out the same. People sort of just fall into situations where flirting is rendered useless because that perfect couple you see on facebook with a trillion likes on their relationship status update were too adorable single to not date each other and make a cute couple with the cuteness factor of one, big field of frolicking puppies.

The Hunger Games:

If you’re like me, then courtship looks oddly similar to the battle at the cornucopia: you have 10 seconds to inspect the inventory, you take a quick glance around at your competitors, you spot your target within the cornucopia, you decide on your weapon or pick-up line of choice (Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?), you’ve got 5 seconds left and your heart begins to pound like the beat of your favorite dub track, you focus on your target with the laser focus you wish you had during that last chem exam, then the barrier drops and you dart for the most maximized survival sack with all the vigor and confidence a tea-cup Chihuahua can muster before a night on the town with Paris Hilton. You’re almost within arms-length of the perfect survival kit that’ll keep you happy indefinitely when that chick from District 2 throws a damn knife at your forehead, you lose balance and fall right in front of your last hope for happiness. Damnit Peeta!

Yes, it’s very sad. What’s even more sad is that normal people will never get a chance to flirt with someone who’s life is literally in their hands. I mean, talk about a pick-up line, “I saved your life — So, I’m basically everything that’s good in this world. Swipe right when you see my Tinder profile.”

What actually happens when you like someone, from my experience, is you fall into a weird “I like you but I don’t want you to know I like you so I’ll tell you all the time how I don’t like people like you, then I’ll strut away like I have somewhere important to be only to plummet into an enormous trash can” in an attempt to seem coy and endearing. No one is ever Cady Heron.

And instead of growing the proverbial pair of male genitalia and asking the person out with a few swooning words or a bag of M&M’s like in J.Lo’s “Wedding Planner”, you talk to all of your mutual friends to see if he/she likes you back or if all the normal things they do with you are actually clues left by our ancestral aliens for you to string together into a grossly over-interpreted love tapestry of the Last Supper. Yes, that too never happens.

Most often than not, your insecurities about loving someone you can seriously consider becoming a life-long partner force you into a dating game that only you, yourself are playing. You are your worst critic, and you are your own hurdle. Theorizing this and analyzing that will lead you nowhere but self-doubt and what’s worse than going through life letting all the “what-ifs” keep you from all the “happy endings”? Life moves on whether they like you back or not, so take the leap and hope for that sunset kiss.

And remember, love is a great pain, but one you will have felt blessed to know.