10 Great NES Games with Awful Covers
Think back to your favorite Nintendo game. What does the cover look like? Do you see the simple majesty of Mario leaping? The gold spectacle that is the Zelda games? The full throttle grease and sweat that is Contra? All classic, iconic images. Well, not all great games were created equal. Some were cursed with misleading, confusing, and downright horrific covers.
Here’s ten NES games worth playing as long as they’re wearing a brown paper bag.
10. FAXANADU
So Faxanadu’s cover isn’t THAT bad, I mean the font is pretty dope and that crest is pretty killer. I’d say this is an awful cover because it’s such a disservice to one of the greatest NES games out there. Faxanadu has some of the best stage and sprite design on the system but how would you know that by looking at this peach colored, text heavy cover? Just throw a buff knight battling monsters on here like 90% of the other fantasy games did! Also, “mantras” await you? What kid would read that and said “Oh boy! Mom look, this game’s got mantras!”
9. COMMANDO
That weird 80’s vector thing is present on all the 80's Capcom games and while it’s totally unnecessary, I actually don’t mind it that much. I see what they were going for as far as using a motif to let you know it was a Capcom game. My beef with this cover is the text “DESTROY THE ENEMY ARMY”. Is that even needed? Couldn’t you just look at this G.I Joe looking dude and guess that’s what the game was about? Why place it over the main image so prominently? It looks like a really shitty watermark they forgot to remove before this game went to print.
8. ELIMINATOR BOAT DUEL
This is a bit of an obscure one, but trust me Eliminator Boat Duel is a great game. It’s basically a really goofy speedboat version of R.C. Pro Am complete with a groovy Jerry Garcia knock off named “Aquarius Rex” and tons of slo-mo loving bikini babes.
Unfortunately, none of that humor or tone comes through on this cover, just a bizarre scene of a generic Miami couple boat-tripping on Ecstasy. There’s just so much loud color and obnoxious design elements jammed into this image; it’s nauseating to take in. To me this looks like one of those Magic Eye posters you see at the mall but they forgot to add the 3D masking effect…and the magic.
7. BLASTER MASTER
When the NES first came out, the industry had just faced a major crash due in part to an over-saturation of the market, a lack of quality control, and the use of deceiving artwork to mask the terrible graphics. As such, Nintendo opted to use pixel art directly from the games on their covers so people knew exactly what they were getting. At the time even these primitive character sprites were way ahead of the graphics of the competitors.
I feel like that’s what Blaster Master is going for here, just several years too late for that black-box trend. That monster does look awesome, don’t get me wrong, but coupled with the terrible blocks in the background, the obtuse title, and that weird bulls-eye create an overall confusing package. If you saw this game in the store what kind of experience do you think it would yield? Is it a light gun game like Duck Hunt? Or is this more of a run and gun title like Contra? Nope, it’s an adventure game that’s part Metroid and part Legend of Zelda, following the adventures of a young kid who loses his frog but gains a super tank.
Ok, if you say so!
6. ANTICIPATION
I know I know, this is a good game? I swear though, Anticipation is great. It’s basically a board game version of Pictionary that you can play with up to four players. I don’t know why, but there’s something really addictive and competitive about playing this with a big group of people, give it a try!
Obviously the game’s designers felt the same way which is why they went with the party theme for Anticipation’s cover, only they chose the most milquetoast crew of white folks to model for it. Was this originally from an 80’s sitcom I’ve never heard of? Is that a lost Stallone brother holding the controller? Why do most of these people look like someone slipped a finger in their butts? Is that what they’re all “anticipating”?
5. TOTALLY RAD
So you may be thinking “Well, the game is called ‘Totally Rad’, wouldn’t you agree that this pretty well defines that phrase?” And to that I’d have to say...yes, yes it does. That title, those colors, those fonts, and those little decorative elements certainly scream late 80s/early 90s surfer culture. It might as well be a Saved by the Bell spin-off featuring that magical pink mohawked dinosaur who helps Screech turn into a superhero. You know, one of those special episodes that only aired in Argentina for some reason.
My issue with this cover is that the actual game looks nothing like this. You play as a magician kid who runs through a futuristic landscape shooting robots Mega Man style. There's just too much disconnect between the design and game play of Totally Rad and the Toys R’ Us discount skateboard deck that is its cover art. This is just a case of the publishers trying waaaay too hard to cash in on current trends regardless of how those fads relate to their product.
4. SHATTERHAND
Ok, that font is pretty hot and I don’t even mind the awkward Terminator style robot knuckles ripping out of this dude’s hand (and into the letter H for extra badassery).
My complaint with this cover is, that’s who I’m playing as? That guy is the hero? Him?! He looks like your drunk uncle who goes to the beach and offers to buy beer for teenagers. He looks like the part-time manager of a boardwalk souvenir shop. He looks like he has a Youtube channel that reviews the best Fast and Furious scenes. He looks like he sells weed just so he has someone to get high with.
Hmmm on second though maybe he is the hero I’ve been looking for!
3. GUN-NAC
If you pick up any space shooter game on the NES, most likely the cover looks exactly like this: futuristic ship in the foreground shooting as some looming enemies in the background. For that, Gun-Nac certainly lacks originality. However, its biggest sin is, “why the carrots?” Gun-Nac is arguably the best vertically scrolling shooter on the system full of amazing graphics, impossibly fast speeds for the time, and super fun, challenging game-play. Yet this cover makes it look like you’re about to play a Sesame Street game where Big Bird learns new letters by shooting vegetables.
It’s kind of silly because at some point in Gun-Nac you do end up fighting a robotic giant rabbit, so I see where the carrots come from, but geez not the cover guys!
2. VICE PROJECT DOOM
Many people have noted that the man and woman adorning the cover of Vice: Project Doom bear a certain likeness to Mel Gibson and Sigourney Weaver. I’ll give you Mel, although I can also see a bit of Kurt Russell, Val Kilmer, and even Bill Paxton, but Sigourney? Hmm…I just don’t see it. More like a heroin chic Shannen Doherty.
If not for the title, the gun, and what I can only assume is the Project Doom going off in the background, I would absolutely say you can buy this shirt at Panama City beach. It’d be airbrushed (natch) with my face instead of Mel’s, that terrified looking woman would be in a string bikini, and there’d be some dope lettering at the bottom like “King of the Beach ‘93” or “Crabs on the Beach, Crabs in the Sheets.”
1. MEGA MAN
Good lord, so many questions.
Was this the winner in a Nintendo Power drawing contest? What late 70’s futuristic film was Mega Man an extra in, Rollerball or Logan’s Run? Why does he look like an action figure who’s body parts have been twisted the wrong way? What are those dome things, are they his pill addiction catching up to him? What’s up with the terraced buildings and palm trees, is Mega Man vacationing in Santorini?
It boggles the mind that one of the greatest video game franchises started out with this Deviant Art reject. Capcom must have a pretty good sense of humor about it since they included “Fat Mega Man” as a playable character in Street Fighter x Tekken.
Are there any great NES games with awful covers that I missed? Let me know in the comments!