Dogs pretending to be humans

I was crossing the road the other day and there happened to be a car waiting at a red light as I did so. That’s pretty ordinary. Nothing special about that, so I’ll continue.

What really struck me as peculiar in this instance was a dog, who was sat bolt upright in the back seat of this car; staring out of the window, much like a human, checking out his surroundings. This dog had a look of sophistication on its face, too. As if old Sally in the driver’s seat was the chocolate Labrador’s personal chauffeur.

I imagine before the trip, Larry — his name for argument’s sake –had called Sally while he was finishing readying himself: “pull the car round to the front of the house, Sal”, he’d have barked as he straightened his collar and eyed himself in the mirror, tutting repeatedly at his droopy red eyes.

So my bone to pick with this? Dogs — no, animals in general — pretending to be humans: it’s downright unnecessary. There’s enough of the human race as it is. Do us a favour and act more feral, you inconsiderate bastards.

Otherwise it’s going to start becoming difficult to distinguish between you and the millions of feral humans out there.

In fact, one day it may spiral completely out of control and feral humans may begin switching places with these animals who pretend to be humans.

We’ll have dogs sitting up to tables in cafes licking away at their skinny lattes, and the likes of slack-jawed Kyle rolling around in pig shit and urinating into the air. Actually, I believe this is already happening in places like LA and Alabama respectively.

Is this soon to be the end of the human race as we know it? Let’s hope so.