“I’m just going home to work; I really need to concentrate on this piece”. OK, now whilst I appreciate that this is actually code for “The sun’s out; I really need to get a few hours on the bike” — the fact that the former statement would be universally met with an empathetic nod from a co-worker, is proof that the way we work today is far from ideal.

The original concept of the open offices was to facilitate communication and idea flow, an admirable idea — but that was before we had the net. Now we want to be back in our private cubicles. Personally, I’d rather listen to this TED talk about ‘nurturing my creative genius’, than listen to a blow-by-blow account of someone’s uneventful weekend, thanks. If I want my daily dose of socialising — I have my own network now; it’s virtual.

People understand it’s a question of balance. We need staff to come to work, work together and be happy. The new offices of the tech giants; Google and Facebook combine the best of recreational space, meeting and co-working environments, but the actual work desk spaces are still essentially ‘open-plan’.

When I go to the Bloomberg or Google offices for meetings it’s great, I can’t help behaving like a kid in a sweet shop, devouring all the food provided like I’ve never seen a cereal bar before. OK, perhaps that’s just me… and I’m assuming this effect wears off after a few weeks of actually working there.

Collaborative Working

Like the much lauded Group Brainstorm Storm session, which has been convincingly debunked as totally unproductive. I’d advocate collaborative workspaces are similar — great places to consume copious amounts of saturated fats and caffeine, but not so great for getting the job done.

People, as always, are the problem. Like family members, you can’t pick your co-workers and you spend a hell of a lot of time with them. Everyday is effectively Christmas day. And we know how that ends…

Strong personalities, like those that bully in brainstorms, in close quarters can annoy, distract, disrupt and increase stress for the entire team or firm. Indeed a single personality, mixed with a splash of authority can be quite the molotov cocktail. On a bad day this explosive individual can run into a building and cause untold damage — and as I have a short fuse — that’s a lot of pressure.

Noise and temperature are also factors. Whether the boiler hasn’t warmed up from the weekend or it’s Jack’s turn to DJ the office Spotify account with his heavy late 80s rock — everyone is in it together, to our detriment.

And worst of all, those little habits we all have, magnified by the modern day round table:

• There’s the ‘snack monster’ who sits in the corner munching of crisps, consuming packets of chemicals, subconsciously licking their fingers and then wiping them on their suit.
• The ‘hummer’ — providing a constant and offkey soundtrack to the day with whichever Rihanna track they last heard.
• The ‘eavesdropper’ — suddenly everything is everyone’s business, not least the one team member who has a suggestion for every conversation, regardless of what part of the office it’s being conducted in.

Believe it or not, it’s not just me. Despite over 70% of us who now work in an open plan environment, more are catching on and dispelling the myth of this once utopian (and german)working vision.

The data is pretty damning. Overall, when moving from a traditional office space to a new, open planned one, employees suffered according to every measure. The space was considered disruptive, stressful, and cumbersome, and, instead of feeling closer, co workers felt distant, dissatisfied and resentful. Productivity fell. More sick days too; approximately a 60% increase according to one study.

Back to the future

Bring back the cubicles I hear you shout?

In the start-up world, you don’t have any choice. You are renting some awful co-working space, meeting people in coffee shops and dreaming of the corner office with the three time zone clocks (they eventually start ticking at different times however and drive you crazy by the way…).

When I visit the the dinosaur corporate environments for meetings, they don’t have to worry about distractions. When you have three months to pull together a slide deck for a compliance to review, the odd half an hour invested at the water cooler is still welcomed.

Where do we go from here?

Obvious question is — will there actually be offices in the future? Will we all still feel the need to congregate like proverbial peas? Will they still required beyond reasons for checking attendance and Facilities Management cost reduction? Will the coffee shop-infested high street suffice to get our caffeine injection before we return to our pods and plug into the net, in a horizontal sub-conscious, matrix style state?

Even now, technology is changing. Mobile devices, cloud software could all take us away from the open-plan environment. Google docs mean you can have your co-workers mock friendly avatar pop up in the top right hand corner and edit your work as you write, they don’t even need to be in the same room!

Just think of the possibilities…

Oh wait, Janice has just taken a call, cue at least 30 mins of loud, forced, laughter… may as well end this blog here and knock off early…

You want an open door policy? Just steer clear of an open-plan office.