2017: The Year of The Rooster! The big seventeen is going to be a huge year for novelty in different ways for each of us. New career paths, the possibility of marriage (Cancers, go ahead and text him back) and even the beginning of a quite possibly never-ending fascist regime. Mark your calendars for the solar eclipse on February 26th 2017, a phenomenon astrologically dominated by the powerful spiritual and beneficial energy of Neptune.
But before then is the 45th presidential inauguration on January 20th. This falls on Lunar Mansion 18th, primarily known for impending danger and prepping your defenses. Ugh!! Bummer!!
With mercury in retrograde from the 5th to the 25th, these days will require more adjustment than usual.
Let’s see how some of our ladies celebrating the inauguration season will fair with Mercury just totally fucking up their energies.
Toni Lahren
August 11th: Leo
Looking good for Tamra Lorraine!! This is a fortunate year for those born under the sign Leo. They’ll do remarkably well in their career goals achieve financial stability with comfortable ease.
Tonya doesn’t show any signs of stopping yelling at a webcam every time someone tweets something mildly offensive at her. If 2016 was the rise for our White Power Barbie, 2017 may be her All Lives Matter Dreamhouse.
Kellyanne whatever?? don’t remember tbh
January 20th: Aquarius
Kellyanne will be celebrating her big 50th birthday during the inauguration, as well as her appointment as counselor to the president. But what does Mercury have in store for her social life?
With the South Node in Aquarius, a Sun sign, this is a time to tone down excessive Aquarian qualities. After an embarrassing interview this week in which she denied Trump’s knowledge of a catastrophic report detailing the possibility Russian blackmail, Kellyanne should def reconsider if her friends are being totally honest with her, and tone down her Aquarian driven lust for totalitarianism!
Ivanka Trump
October 30th: Scorpio
The 2017 Scorpio astrology points out Jupiter triggering soul contracts and re-delivering a past lover from this life or perhaps another.
As stated in multiple interviews and uncomfortably shot photographs, our actual and real not-just-a-terrible-nightmare President Elect of the United States of America has made it abundantly clear he would gladly take his daughter in the sack if they weren’t related. Jupiter is thinking maybe Ivanka’s dad finally has a chance with her!! 😳
Melania Trump
April 26th: Taurus
Uh oh! Might be trouble in paradise for our new First Lady.
Uranus in Melania’s solar 12th house appears to suggest some type of behind the scenes activity going on. There may be events that she doesn’t want others to know about. Tauruses this season may be secretly doing things that are very unusual and behind the scenes.
Her hubby is notoriously Gemini. Taurus is a sensual Earth sign with a deep need for physical touch and joy of all bodily senses. Gemini’s like Donald need intellectual stimulation and don’t care much about spending time in their loved ones arms. Also, he looks like a literal orange leather handbag and is TWENTY FOUR YEARS OLDER!!
Jesus Christ, honestly. Someone save this woman.
Ann Coulter
December 8th: Sagittarius
Sagittarius is the most impulsive sign of the zodiac and while this makes them willing to take a chance, sometimes they can benefit more by slowing down a little.
There’s a balance to be struck between grabbing an opportunity perhaps because it feels this may be the one time a reality TV star will ever lie and con himself into the White House, and maybe Ann could step back to ask herself if it’s actually going to be good to support a bankrupt alleged sex offender who has literally screamed on audio he’s fine with grabbing women by the pussy??