Everyone wants to place blame in full, as if splitting the blame isn’t possible. But it is. Opposition can’t exist without something to oppose. His emotional abuse wouldn’t exist if you didn’t internalize it, attach negative emotion to it and allow it to eat at you emotionally and physically.

This is not to blame you, not at all. It drives me nuts to see people get upset at objective truths and call it “victim blaming”. Sometimes the victim’s actions created an environment in which they were increasing their odds of being taken advantage of in some form or fashion. This is NOT to say it’s their fault and they should change. No, there has to be a mix though.

There has to be some mix of saying, look we SHOULD be able to do x without y happening, but the reality is x increases the chance of y and it won’t change overnight therefore we must work on both x and y to decrease the chances. That may be confusing, but it’s like this — don’t walk down dark alleys at night. It’s not that you WILL be victimized in some way, but the chances are definitely increased and ignoring that is arrogant and stupid. It does suck, it sucks that we can’t have total freedom without someone taking advantage, but it’s real and it can’t be completely ignored because we wish this were utopia.

In your specific case, if you continue to allow others dictate your emotional well being you will always be at the whim of others. If you can’t learn to control your own happiness, you will never be happy. If you can remove the attached emotion you remove his ability to abuse you emotionally. If you learn your own self worth isn’t dependent upon someone else you will have control.

This isn’t easy, it’s obviously more difficult for you due to your history and experiences, but it’s possible. My personal advice is to read books regarding Buddhism, I can’t say for certain how you will take it but it has helped me immensely.

I suffer from depression for a variety of reasons that aren’t necessarily important, but the ideals of Buddhism and Taoism have helped me gain control by giving up control.

I can’t change anyone. I should expect nothing. If we expect someone to be a certain way, especially when they have shown no inclination of caring of your expectations, we are setting ourselves up for failure. Thus, we are responsible for what we feel, and our internal reactions to the external world dictates how the external world will continue reacting back.

This really shitty person continues to emotionally abuse you because he can, because it gives him control and he takes advantage of it. But you can take that back because the only thing you truly control is your emotions. If you stop caring, he can’t hurt you anymore.

“If you care what others think, you will forever be their prisoner” — Lao Tzu

I hope this helps, but I don’t know. I truly hope it does though, but I’m not attached to the result, because that is beyond my control. Good luck, sincerely.