Trolling Trump for Legend Preston

An Open Letter to Patisha Solomon

Dear Patisha,

I was moved by your Facebook post about your son’s traumatic experience with the Newark police. And I’m inspired by how your friends and neighbors formed a barrier around Legend and stood their ground. Since I read your post I’ve been thinking about his nightmares and fear of going out to play. I wish there was something I could do to make the journey ahead a little easier, but I am not equipped to reform policing standards, I’m not a PTSD therapist, and I know nothing about healing systemic racism. But I do have an idea. It’s not much, but it will have to do because it’s all I got. If nothing else, I hope you laugh. Sometimes laughter really is the best medicine.

70 Days of Trump

So, what’s my idea? I’m going to face my fears and troll Trump trolls for 70 days, from now until election day. Like I said, it’s not much. And it might not do any good. But it will help me remember that there’s a boy out there who’s afraid to go outside and play. So I’m going to go outside and play with the trolls as a test of my resolve, my grit; chicken shit in comparison to the courage and resolve Legend will need to overcome his fears, but my self-deprecation is where the humor begins.

It also begins with a conspiracy.

Personhood Conspiracy

The Personhood Conspiracy became operational on June 11, 1986, when a coven of transgender lesbian vampires stole Shia LaBeouf’s umbilical cord and delivered it to the secret eugenics lab of the Institute of Tea Party Studies, where the stem cells were used to create a new species of humans, the homo scodone.

Then, on November 4, 2007, the Sexy Scientist harvested Shia LaBeouf’s skin cells during an encounter at Walgreens in Chicago. These cells were converted into sperm and used to inseminate U.S. Congressman Paul Ryan’s eggs, which were created out of skin harvested not far away on the other side of the Fulton Dam in Wisconsin while Paul was touring his congressional district. The first two zygotes were implanted into the womb of Lindsay Lohan and she gave birth to the christ/anti-christ twins. Ashianae, the firstborn, was subsequently raised in the Fergana Valley in Central Asia.

On June 16, 2015, Donald J. Trump declared his candidacy for president, triggering the Shiachosis of 2015 during which hundreds, maybe thousands, of LaBeouf’s offspring began to realize that Shia LaBeouf is their father. So what’s been going on in American politics is really about Shia LaBeouf’s children, the homo shianae, becoming woke.

Questions Without Answers

Is Donald J. Trump a LaBeouf Candidate? Is he an agent of Ashianae? Did Trump fund the personhood conspiracy, or was it David Koch as previously rumored? What is wrong with Donald J. Trump? Is he shiachotic? What does he know? What does he believe? Who is the real Donald J. Trump? There are so many questions and only 70 days to make up the answers. Enjoy.

Disclaimer

Patisha Solomon and her son Legend Preston have nothing to do with my shiachotic trolling of Donald Trump’s trolls. It’s something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while but I was afraid to incur the wrath of the haters so I backed off. The only connection is that I realized that my fear of the Alt Right is insignificant in comparison to Legend’s fear of the police and I thought my adventures in trolling might put a smile on their face, because, well, it’s so weird. At the very least I hope to give them a WTF? moment to distract them from their pain.

Backstory

For those who haven’t yet seen it, here’s a video of Legend taken by his mom to document his pain and fear after being accosted by the police.

Patisha Solomon