I’ve been resting wrong, this is how I fixed it.
For the longest time, I couldn’t figure out how to rest properly.
I would take a break (whether a few minutes, hours, or days) — which meant that I would take some time off of work. But when I came back, I would feel like something was missing.
I wasn’t contented.
Worse, I didn’t feel refreshed in the slightest.
Recharging is not just not working
If work was carrying a load, my rests didn’t feel like putting it down. It felt more like standing still, with the weight still pulling me to the ground.
It puzzled me, but “taking a break” seemed like such a no-brainer that I honestly didn’t feel a need to study it further. I languished in that space for months.
It wasn’t until I heard something from Ali Abdaal that my entire concept of resting was revolutionized. He said (non-verbatim because it’s been a couple of months);
“The things you do when you’re not working are not the same as the things that recharge you.”
That was mind-blowing.
All this time, I’ve thought of rest merely as not working. But it’s not. Even your phone doesn’t just charge when you’re not using it. You need to actively plug into a power source to recharge it.
Similarly, I realized that I actually had to actively pursue things that recharge me.
It’s easy to be confused. Unlike phones that just passively lie on your table charging (even if you check it every five minutes), we humans actually have to spend energy to gain more energy.
But how do you do that? These are the steps I followed.
Step one: Identify what gives you energy
Now that I learned one actually has to do things to be able to do more things, the next natural question became:
What activities give me energy?
The activities that “recharge” me were not so obvious. After some reflection and trial and error, I’ve found the following activities work best:
- Taking a leisurely walk/run in the afternoon sun.
- Connecting with loved ones, close friends, or family.
- Taking a good ole nap at certain hours of the day.
These self-care recharge activities are personal to us. What works for me might not work for you.
For example, a close friend revealed that watching good movies gives her energy, but that will just distract me and send me off to fantasyland. On the other hand, for me, a leisurely walk refills my mind and body, but for her, it’s more of a focused activity.
You need to know what recharges your mind and body.
Think back to things you love doing. List them down, then how they make you feel. You can like doing things, but they might drain you. Similarly, there might be things that you don’t think of as “fun” or “leisure,” but give you energy and motivation (like naps were, for me).
If you honestly have no idea, then trial and error is your best friend. A quick search gave general, researched-based options to start with:
- Exercise
- Meditation
- Taking naps
- Aromatherapy
- Going out to nature
- Spending time with loved ones
Step two: Incorporate them into your routines
Just knowing what you need to do isn’t enough — you need it to be a part of your routines.
Does taking walks energize you? Then set aside time for it, and try to do it multiple times a week.
Maybe it’s hanging out with friends you like. Then make plans to hang out with people close to you, or host something at your place.
Time is also another factor.
Incorporating recharges into your routine may mean scaling them up or down to suit your needs.
For example, maybe 30-minute naps recharge you (just like what your mom always said, I bet). But maybe your schedule can’t accommodate 30 minutes, so you scale it down to 10.
Or maybe you have a free couple of hours, and what’s better to do with free time than some recharging activities? So you scale it to an hour.
You need to plan for these energizing activities because they don’t just happen. You need to make them happen, and that needs a certain amount of foresight. Otherwise, you might slide down to burnout without you even knowing.
Step three: Make recharging a habit, not a band-aid
When you wait until your breaking point to recharge, it takes a longer time to recover.
One of the biggest mistakes I committed was only looking for things to fill me up when I was already bone dry.
Don’t commit the same mistake.
Another dimension that I struggled with was the feeling of guilt. I’ve always associated leisure with “wasting time.” Time that could be spent doing more productive things.
That couldn’t be more wrong. Self-care is not optional. It’s not merely a “cure” for stress. It’s the tune-up that your mind and body need to perform optimally. Leisure is not wasted time.
Thus, treat recharging activities much like any other habit you want to develop:
- Create systems that make the habit easy
- Set SMART goals
- Painstakingly execute every single day
- Reward yourself for proper execution, and
- Be kind to yourself when you can’t execute properly
Make recharging yourself a habit, not just some band-aid solution. This way, you’ll always be energized, even while you’re performing at your peak.
Are you resting right?
It’s easy to think of rest as just a state of not working, but that’s often a mistake.
If you’re like me who struggled to identify active recharges compared to just lazing about, these steps should help:
- Identify what gives you energy
- Work them into your routines
- Make them a habit
Rest is not optional — it’s built into us for a reason. Don’t feel guilty for taking some time off and doing things that fill your cup.
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