The Fear of Becoming Obsolete
For some of us, work consumes our lives. We spend more waking hours with our colleagues/clients than we do with our family, with our friends.
Even with the hours that I try to put into the workplace, the hours on the planes, the late night reading — I still have this feeling of becoming obsolete. With everything I try to do around the house, the cooking, cleaning, everything. There is this feeling of obsoletion there also. Where does this come from?
Maybe it’s the ‘millennial’ in me, but I get this fear around the ‘four year mark’ with an organisation, with a project, with a relationship… The feeling that each of them is going to say: “thanks very much, there’s the door”.
Is there any basis for this fear? Almost certainly not. I am a valued employee and a beloved partner. However, it’s the ‘almost’ that keeps me up every single night. This is something that comes in peaks and troughs for me, and something I’ve experienced at every organisation I have ever been a part of. It comes as waves of new colleagues, new products, new clients, new technology and more come into play. What was once familiar and comforting is now completely different. It’s scary. The fear is whether or not: “I still fit in”. I have a need to fit in. I think an underlying reason for this feeling is the resistance that we millennials see in the workplace from some of our more tenured colleagues. You know, the ones we said we’d never be like? In my own mind, this is shown by the strange and inherent activity by some of those from the generations that came before us. They tend to point at millennials like we are some type of alien form in the office, hoarding participation trophies and expecting, without fail, promotions every thirty minutes.
I’m generalising here, but I think that as a generation, we tend to care very much about making a difference and finding meaning in what we are doing — and that for us, creates relevancy. I guess that the scary thing about creating and staying relevant in the workplace is the weird truth that we may become obsolete at home. With all the hours we don’t spend at home, what are we missing out on? I have a friend who missed his child’s first steps, first words, and more. I have another friend who missed her wedding anniversaries and spouse’s birthday. Where does it start and where does it end? I had to have one of my best friends change her birthday celebration by 10 days so I could attend each year, as her birthday landed on my biggest work event on an annual basis (that’s how birthdays work, you see, they happen every year). So, by creating workplace relevancy, the fear builds in me that I’m alienating those around me in my personal life — the fear builds that I’m not needed, required, wanted or desired outside of the office. How then, does one create this fabled ‘work-life’ balance I hear so much about? This thing we should be searching for which will, in theory, alleviate these fears. Frankly, I have decided that it’s a unicorn. It’s a wonderful concept, but I think work-life balance is nothing more than a myth that is perpetuated by our colleagues and loved ones alike to make us feel less guilty about the amount of time or commitment we spend with either at any one moment in time. And that’s OK.
Here’s what I think we truly have, it’s a work-life pendulum.
Sometimes we give more to work. Sometimes we give more to our personal lives. The trick here is to swing in the right direction at the right time. This is where most of us as human beings fall down. We fall down, as we don’t quite find the timing to swing the pendulum in the right direction. You know… that one time when you have date night with the significant other, but turn up late because you just want to send ‘that one last email’ before you head out. The funny thing is, it’s already 7pm — no one is doing anything with that email until the next morning anyway (one would hope, otherwise they might be missing their own date night, but there’s a whole other social issue there!). Now, have I got this right? Hell no. That’s probably why I’m writing this — with the hope that someone can share his or her own experiences or solutions…
Am I becoming obsolete? Well, I sure hope not. Honestly though, I don’t think I am, and the reason is because I care about not being so in every aspect of my life. I’m pursuing ways to be relevant to my colleagues, to my boss, to my clients, to my better half, to my family and to my friends. You should do that too. It’s not easy. But as Dr. Kelso once said: “nothing in this world that’s worth having, comes easy”
Originally published at www.jameswtmarshall.com.
