Oh, Dear Lord, in Heaven!

She did it! God as my witness, she finally did it! Not that I’ve been looking forward to this moment, because I assure you, I have not!

However, in the world that we live in today, I knew that the day would come when she might ask.

…and ask, she did. I was baffled to say the least!

It almost knocked me clear out of my socks; however, she stood her ground and waited for my response.

…and I gave her my response as soon as I could catch my breath.

I don’t know what she was thinking.

I could not blame it on the heat, because here in the Delta it’s still pretty, darn nice outside. We are still able to go outside after 7P.M. without the mosquitoes drawing their swords and taking our blood, so I can’t blame it on them either.

“Mama, may I…” Now, doesn’t that just grab your attention? It has always been quick to grab mine. I’m always as curious as a cat to know what’s coming next. Mama, may I ….what?

Oh, the anticipation of what’s to come!

“Mama, may I get a tattoo in honor of Mason?” She asked me while she sat on the tailgate of her Daddy’s truck. “I want to get, ‘Living the Dream,’ right here.” She says as she points to her left midsection.

What? Where on earth did that come from? We’re out here wanting on the puppy to go potty.

I mean, I do declare, she {the puppy} has sniffed out half an acre already. You would think if she had to go she would have gone already. I mean, we are out here in the middle of the boondocks; no one is going to see you. “Pixie, potty!”

I blame the puppy. I knew that St. Bernard was going to be trouble. {just kidding} Saint Bernard’s are known for their rescue skills, so perhaps she will rescue me out of this tough situation.

“A tattoo?” {Gulp!!!} I just about swallowed my tongue.

I have markings on my body, they’re called stretch marks! … from bearing children. I would just about give my right arm to have them vanish, however, I need my right arm.

That whoosh sound that you just heard wasn’t an airplane flying overhead. No, it was the sound of my heart dropping down to my phalanges below. I do believe I stubbed my big toe when I almost tripped over my own heart.

…again. “Oh, Dear Lord, in Heaven!”

I silently gave my Father in Heaven a shout out.

“Father, bless me with grace, mercy, compassion, and patience. Patience, Lord! I know and understand that she has a grieving heart, we all do. Lord, help me; guide me to your word so that I may be able to teach and show her your ways.”

{Click link / Click play/ then click back here}

https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/questions/bible-say-about-tattoos/

I stood there at first in disbelief; dismayed to say the least that my daughter was asking me if she could permanently ink/ mark up her body.

Did I say permanently? Yes, I did. …as in permanently on purpose, I mind you. Now, I know I have markings on my body, however, I’ve been applying Palmer’s Oil for years trying to take care of these stretch marks that stretch out for miles.

Now, I know that tattoos are as common as drinking water in today’s world. However, like my Mamaw told me, {Not referring to tattoos.} “Just because everyone else is doing it, doesn’t make it right.” …or, what about this one, another Psalms from Mamaw, “If everybody jumps off that bridge, are you going to jump, too?”

“Baby, you know how I feel about tattoos. No.” I said as I very politely chewed on my tongue; trying desperately not to bring anymore grief or sorrow to her already broken heart.

“Mama, I can’t do this! I just can’t! Everywhere I go, I see him. I mean, my car, ….he drove.”

She hesitated, because I have told her if not once a hundred times that, “No one is allowed to drive your car.”

…in one ear and right out the other.

“Everywhere I go, Mama, I see him. Every song that plays, he sang it to me. Everywhere, Mama! I can’t do this!” Karen said as she began to weep.

“You can do this. You already are. Baby, Mason, is gone. He will forever live in your and our hearts. …I know. I know that sounds elementary, but it’s true, Baby. Mason’s spirit will live on forever and ever.

Mason’s life on earth is over, Baby, but yours isn’t. For you and for me, life goes on to see another day.

Let your memories and your pictures of Mason be enough.” I said as I stepped closer to the bed of the truck.

“You don’t get it, Mama. You don’t understand.” Karen wept even harder, as I remembered back to last night as she called his cell phone to listen to his voice mail; only to hear Mason’s voice, again.

I wanted to hug her. However, I could tell that she needed her space.

For over a week she has cried herself to sleep.

For over a week her Daddy and I, we, have held her for as long as she needed us to hold her.

For over a week we have prayed with and for her, and still continue today, and will for as long as her grieving last.

I can’t imagine what her heart feels like.

She was holding his hand when he took his last breath.

What do you say when someone’s heart is torn in two. …nothing. {Of course, I have carried her on the wings on my heart’s words and prayers.}

Sometimes the best advice is found in the embrace of caring, loving arms, and I had plenty of hugs to share with my daughter. However, in this moment she needed her space, so I respected her and gave her the gift of space. I say gift, because I wanted to hold her. Everything in me wanted nothing more than to hold my hurting daughter and to take away her pain.

It’s in those times I like to imagine Jesus holding us up in the midst of life storms. Just the thought of Jesus holding me up, brings peace into my heart.

“Baby, I know that tattoos are seen as art.

I also understand where your heart is coming from, and I respect your feelings.

I know you want to remember Mason. However, marking up your body isn’t going to remove your pain. If anything it will cause the pain to linger longer.” I gingerly said as I placed my hand upon her back.

“Mama, I dream of him. I can even smell him at times.” She wept.

“Embrace those moments, Baby! Those moments are gifts from Heaven. I know how unbelievable that sounds, but it’s true. Some even call them visits from Heaven. Embrace them and be thankful for them.” I said in excitement, because I believe every word to be true.

We have talked about tattoos and modesty several, several times in casual conversation over her eighteen years of life. I’m not only her Mama, I was also her Sunday school teacher, and I didn’t just teach on Sunday mornings, sister. I teach every day. I even homeschooled her up to the eighth grade, so I know she knows my heart, because I have given her all of it. If there is anything I’m good at, it’s mama’ing.

“Karen, I just want you to think about this. I can’t make you do one thing or another. However, I do hope that you honor my wishes. I just feel like most people get tattoos in the heat of the moment and regret them later in their life, you know? Give this time. …be like your Granddaddy. Give it two weeks of hard thinking and praying about it.

Time will bring healing to your heart. Tattoos are permanent; your feelings are not. You will always and forever love Mason, however, over time the pain you feel right now will dissolve.

…God and Time.

Why don’t we come up with a decal for your car, or a t-shirt, or….” I was saying before Karen interrupted me.

“Mama, that’s not the same. You don’t understand.”

She’s right, I don’t.

So, here we are two weeks later, and today after racking my brain, the image for remembering Mason pops into my mind as I was outside with my grandpup, Pixie. {I know, I know. Pixie is a little name for a big St. Bernard. Everyone has told us that, even our veterinarian.}

“A propeller! …with the words, his words, ‘Living the Dream’ –Mason Howard.

Mason would love it!” I say out loud to no one but myself. …and Pixie.

After sketching it up and showing it to Karen, I was hoping that she would love it enough to yield away from the thought of getting a tattoo.

I’m praying, and crossing my fingers and toes that it does. {…yield her away from.}

Mason, flying over our house to say hello, as he tilted his wings from side to side.

JUST A THOUGHT:

Sometimes the good, the bad, and the ugly things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.

I don’t know, nor do I understand why things happen the way they do. However, looking back over my life, it’s those hard times that made me a stronger person.

…the person I am today.

He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Psalm 147:3 NLT ♡

I appreciate your time in reading my thoughts. If you enjoyed your time here with me, please, click the 💚, so that others might find me as well.
Please, feel free to share. ~Jamie