I Grew Up as A Rugby-Playing Ballerina
Dance was a “girl’s world” full of glitter, pink, lace and lipstick. It was so overly gendered that I didn’t feel like I fit in.
Blood seeped through my pale pink tights at the knee as I pulled them on in the back of the car. My arms were covered in patches of crusted mud. I was on my way to ballet practice, and rugby practice was over for the day.
I began dancing at two years old and never stopped. My mother had always wanted to pursue dance further than she was able to, but I never felt like I was thrust into any sort of Dance Moms situation. In fact, at one point in high school, I nearly quit dancing.
Dance was a “girl’s world” full of glitter, pink, lace, and lipstick. It was so overly gendered that I didn’t feel like I fit in. I wasn’t skinny, and I had muscular thighs. In private lessons, I was taught how to do jumps and turns that were normally reserved for men. Most of all, I was powerful.
Growing up with an older brother, I naturally wanted to do everything that he did — music, acting, art, summer camp, and especially sports. But in high school, when I was desperately searching for my own identity, I founded something that was all mine: a rugby club for girls.
All of a sudden, I was unique.
We didn’t have our own coach during our firs year, so we trained with a boy’s club. I was the smallest one on the pitch, and yet I was learning how to properly tackle a quasi-man three times my size. This world was full of blood, hard hits, mud, and power.
Each world seemed overly gendered. Where did I fit in each?
In the dance world, my powerful muscles launched me into the air. Thanks to my stamina, I could cope with hours of practice, rehearsals, and performances. I would never go on to be a professional ballet dancer, but I found my place dancing jazz and contemporary.
In the rugby world, there was a perfect position for me: scrum-half. I was quick to get the ball out to my team, always flitting about like a bird, avoiding tackles.
Rugby and dance helped me understand that my weaknesses were also my strengths.
Even if society shouted at me to “be a beautiful princess” as I danced or not to “let them see you cry” as I succumbed to a tackle, I left these messages behind me and formed my sense of self.
Gender is ever present in sports and dance, but I truly believe that it doesn’t have to define your ability or your art. It is possible to be a rugby playing ballerina, but only if you find your way between the lines.
Jamie Bird is an American dance instructor living in Australia. She is currently working as a pole dance instructor at “The Pole Gym” in Brisbane. Passionate about all styles of dance and travel, she previously taught ballet, jazz, Latin, and contemporary dance in Costa Rica, France, the United States, and Egypt.
