I haven’t been writing lately. I want to say I am lazy but that’s no excuse because I can just write about whatever I want, good or bad, and I still don’t do it.

I want to say a lot has been on my mind but I that’s not true because I have the power to tune everything out but I just create more problems for me to deal with.

I want to say I am just in wallowing in self-pity but I am not really going through anything so I am just putting myself in that hole. I am my own problem and I am my own solution.

I want to say I am busy every day but I know damn well that is not true. I can set aside half an hour to an hour every day to do some writing but I don’t.

I kick myself because I don’t write and that just makes me feel worse. I put my life on hold, stepped away from a career I’ve been dreaming about for years just so I can do this.

I’m not even sure what’s going on.

Just a while ago, I was feeling good and writing a lot but something happened and I just hit a brick wall.

Sometimes, I feel like I need to step away from everything. I need to disconnect myself from everything and everyone in order to reset my mind, body and soul.

I’m not sure if that is the solution or not but at this point, I am willing to do anything get myself out of this funk.

For the past two months, I have been experimenting with things I believed would make me a better person. There were some things that worked while most did not.

It sucks but it was a learning experience.

One thing I learned is that a lot of my problems were internal where as before I thought they were externally.

I took some time off from the internet like no social media before noon. Though I did adhere to it and it did help for a little bit but once I was able to get back online, I would revert to my previous self and it seemed like nothing had changed.

I don’t think I failed but I did not succeed either.

Whatever goals I set out to accomplish, I accomplished but at the same time, I digressed as well. I am in the same spot I was before I started trying to better myself.

What I really need to work on is commitment. I think that is the key here.

I need to do something and stick to it. I started running late last year and kept at it until I stopped completely in January. When I was running, I felt great and happy but for some reason, I stopped and regretted it so I started to run again recently.

I really need some constant in my life as I have an impulsive personality and change things around every few months.

It’s not that I get bored but I just want something new. Something different.

I really need to work on my commitment issues.