my so-called blank moments in time

you know that moment when you completely zone out while your drunken father tells you how outraged he is about a crabbing trip where his friend screwed him out of three dozen crabs, don’t forget the over two hundred frogs he saw not one of(!)? yeah, i know right, that’s what’s happening in my life right this second. i think he’s on some trip about a guy named peanut now and how peanut has hundreds of thousands of dollars yet always want to call as him to borrow his propane and something about the hog lard for thanksgiving, hog lard, imperative, and on to how i should call him more and make the kids call im before on to peanut again. i’ve never meet peanut but i have my own idea of how he looks, this man making his wife cry and son worry doctors saying may be lung cancer and all the while he’s fucking my dad out of hog lard for the thanksgiving turkey by saying vegetable oil is better, while i am the one who gets to hear the “well fuck you’s” being yelled out in protest of any idiot knowing hog lard is the only way or well fuck you. yeah, i have an idea of a man like that living out the the swampy bayou along the atchafalaya river, a man hanging out with my dad. feels creepy. daddy always wonders why i don’t visit. i’m never more uncomfortable.

we both have drama in our lives don’t we sug?

yes daddy.

why won’t your brother speak to me?

because you chose a life of alcohol over your family. because he can’t watch you kill yourself a day longer, the pain it causes him gives way to his own addictions. all he wants is your recovery, for you to stand up and be the father we both deserve. i’m sorry daddy, he just doesn’t accept it. it’s too painful.

what? oh come on now give me a break!

okay daddy, talk later?

yeah sug, i love ya

love you too.