Adversity Reveals Character
What hard times reveal about us & what we can do to control our reactions
What is character? How do we know if someone is truly courageous, humble, calm, or wise? In his book Mastery, Robert Greene advises the reader to “take special note of how people respond to stressful situations — often the mask they wear in public falls off in the heat of the moment.”
In other words, everyone feels in control when everything is going well, but how many people can maintain their composure when they have just been in a car crash or their boss yells at them? Adversity reveals the true nature of an individual.
This is a great framework for evaluating others, but it has even more value as a tool to judge oneself.
Think back to the last time you were in a stressful situation. How did you respond? What about after the initial reaction; did you allow the feelings to influence your thoughts, or did you set yourself straight before acting? In other words, did you regain control?
Storytellers and decision makers alike understand this aspect of human behavior, and use it to their advantage.
It isn’t uncommon for interviewers to screen prospective employees before the interview starts by seeing how they interact with a secretary acting rude or a janitor that works within the building who suddenly needs help. Applicants usually aren’t aware that they are being evaluated in these situations, so it gives the hiring body a clear look at someone’s personality. After all, a job interview is generally a setting where people try to paint themselves in the best light possible.
When we know we’re being watched, we’re usually on our best behavior. Circumstances outside the norm allow true character to show.
Disney’s Pixar Studio has what they call the “Elevator Test”, and they use it to identify core personality traits for their movie characters. The writers imagine a given character in an elevator that gets stuck mid-flight. How the character responds is indicative of their core traits.
Does the character:
- Complain?
- Cry?
- Take a breath, remain his composure, and soberly determine what he can do to get out of the situation?
- Immediately rush to comfort others in the elevator who are less composed?
Whatever the answer ends up being reveals character in a clear and helpful way. It determines whether someone is naturally selfish, fearful, calm, or supportive.
Now put yourself in that elevator, stuck twenty stories up with no immediate way out. How would you respond? If the answer isn’t one you like, that’s ok. What matters most right now is to be honest with yourself.
The beauty of all of this is that these automatic responses can be changed. How? The same way we improve any skill: PRACTICE.
When you practice handling lower friction situations repeatedly, you build up your tolerance and can eventually handle more. So it is with exercise, deep work, or in this case, habits.
Walking into a cold shower without second thoughts is a small action that builds the ability to act without hesitation. Taking a moment to breathe when someone loses their temper and yells at you makes you more tolerant.
These small practices have large implications. Take the example of tolerance. Being able to keep yourself calm when you are in an argument with your spouse can buy you the extra two seconds needed to hold your tongue and avoid saying something regretful. It can very literally save your relationship.
As I stated before, the most important part of self-evaluation is honesty. It will never feel good to find out that there’s something wrong with you. No one wants to acknowledge that they are hot-headed or fearful. But ignoring these issues will not make them go away. Anthony De Mello stated it perfectly: “What you are aware of you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you.”
In other words, you are who you are, whether you are aware of it or not. Being aware of what you are made of — good and bad — will allow you to change the parts of yourself that you don’t like.
That’s what this is about — awareness. Only when we are aware of what our character is can we begin the lifelong practice of self-awareness and therefore self-improvement. This ensures that we continually step toward the best version of ourselves.
