Numbering Our Days
Psalm 90:12 keeps running through my head.
“Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.”
I’ve always associated this with death, like I think most have, but it struck me today over and over again as I’m preparing for my baby to leave the nest.
I say baby, but she’s 17 .. she’s ready to fly the coop and given the trauma and heartache of this last year, I can’t blame her. And I won’t stop her.
Sometimes a fresh start is exactly what’s needed…
This hasn’t been a decision made lightly, but, prayerfully .. like, full on, on my knees sobbing kind of prayers.. “Lord, is it really time for her to go? Is she ready for this? Is this YOUR best for her right now? If it is, I won’t stop the plans You seem to have in place.”
“But, Lord, she’s my baby” .. yeah, I’ve been arguing with Him, too.
There’s been so much loss this year. So many broken hearts. So much disappointment. Just. So. Much. And, her leaving? Well, that might just break me wide open all over again ..
None of this was the plan I had in place. None of it expected (well, some, I guess.) But still not what anyone wants or hopes for.
Nobody plans on their marriage falling apart. We don’t plan on our life changing in a matter of hours. Or the ripple effect those decisions that were made in that short period of time will have on everyone around you … the collateral damage, my friends, runs deep. So deep and so wide. And it hurts.
But that hurt put a lot of things into perspective for me. Things I’d been taking for granted without realizing it. Like the time I had with my kids …
Lord willing, and finances pending, she’s headed to Texas in January to finish school with her best friend. To seek shelter and peace after a year of chaos. To find calm in the midst of this crazy storm. To seek refuge and rest…
“Teach us to number our days”.. Lord, you’re teaching me now. But will you also give me a heart of wisdom? One that will know how to let her go and trust You have a better plan than me? I need wisdom, Lord and I need You. Soon enough, You’re all I’ll have.. but maybe that’s the point?
