“Why Men Marry Bitches” is one of those books that just plain hurts. It’s from a woman, written to other women and actually appraised by them. It gives women instructions on how to behave, how to postpone sex and nice lingerie, not cook nice things in the first date, etc. Not following these instructions would make men run away. And then, as I sat mesmerized with my finding, all I could do was ask “why?” Honestly, why?

The author, besides referring to women as bitches, also claims that four course meals and black nighties should be kept for birthdays and anniversaries, because these are your “best cards”. So, you should preserve them, and make the guy chase you for them. If you just give it away, men will lose interest very fast and move on to someone else…

Dear men all over the world, if this is indeed the truth about you, I will happily die alone. If a girl cooks you a meal in your first date and wears something nice and you think: “oh she probably does this for everyone, I will just have sex and move on”, you must have a problem.

So what if she has cooked for another men? Have you thought that she also cooked for her friends and family? I see no point in making microwave popcorn (as the author suggests) to someone you are attracted to. A nice meal is an affectionate gesture. That’s all. Take it. Appreciate it. Don’t overanalyze it.

Furthermore, this is not someone’s best card. What you have in your closet, what you put on the table, these are things. They are important parts of a relationship, but they can’t be someone’s best cards. Your best card is your personality. It’s the way you kiss in the morning, feeling sleepy, but happy. It’s a smile when you see the person, because you just love being in his or her arms. It’s being there for the one you love when times are tough. And it’s also about being there when times are tough wearing a sexy nightie. Because, yes, it takes strength to go through the worse without letting all fall apart.

If you are running away from the girls who are making an effort for you “too soon”, you will probably be in the hands of women who simply won’t care. And as much as the fun of the chase will last longer, you will have nothing afterwards. Actually, according to the author, you will get a four-course meal in your anniversary, the occasional nightie and a supreme illusion of a sense of power. Peachy.

I won’t judge, honestly. If that’s what you see as the recipe for a successful relationship, dive in. But, do yourself and the world a favor: think. Ask yourself: what do you want? What is it? Do you actually know? Because, in the end, that’s the most important part of a relationship. Not someone’s past. Not the fact that she or he has cooked, slept or danced with someone else. Not that you went to bed too soon or too late.

What really matters is: you want to be with that person and he or she makes you feel good. That’s all. Simple as that. There are no more rules to it. No “oh my, she slept with me on our first date. That’s not a keeper”. The woman that may take you six months to be in bed with might be the one who will sleep with you once a month in your entire marriage.