Being Black while Living a White life

Most African Americans who are raised in suburban areas do not realize what world they are really born to. These individuals begin to shape into people who have confused identity. Being a black girl from the suburbs is a bitter sweet experience. When I was younger I did not realize the importance of fully knowing African American history. My mother raised me to watch the “Roots” series and read me African folk tales as a child but before high school I had never interacted with black people my age except when I went to my Baptist church. When I moved from the small town of Zionsville, Indiana, a suburb northwest of Indianapolis, I was in for a rude awakening. I transferred to a predominately African American public school in downtown Indianapolis. I experienced bullying, identity loss all while becoming more open minded to culture.

My experience with being black and living a white life was something that benefited me and hurt me in the end. Being socialize by white Americans made me blind and trapped from racism that went on around me. I knew that racism was real but I never experienced it first hand nor understood the severity of the term “nigga” or where it had derived from. I am not saying that all white people are racist or that all white people were bad but that there was a point in time a white person could make a racist joke and I would fail to respond or say anything. I always felt that I was in the middle because at times I was too white for the black kids and too black for the white kids. Now this is a statement that biracial people would make about their childhood, I am not biracial but just a black female who did not understand her cultural responsibility as an African american female nor her identity. It wasn’t until the middle of 8th grade when I moved to Indianapolis that I really got to experience diversity. At first I was scared because I felt like I did not belong and I was often mocked for talking properly. I then grew thicker skin and appreciate the suburb that I came from. My freshman year at the public high school was one of my best years. I grew to appreciate cultural diversity and I realized how innovative black people are. I’ve come to appreciate my blackness. Because I have experienced the “hood” and the suburban areas, I am now equipped to relate to people of all backgrounds. My blackness along with my experiences shapes me into the person I am today.