Doña
A woman in charge
My mother was born in Havana, Cuba in 1918. On her fifteenth birthday, her Quinceañera, the family fled to Puerto Rico. They eventually went to Mexico City where my grandfather set up a ladder business. According to the family lore, the workers burned down the factory and shortly after that my grandfather won the Mexican Lottery, a million dollars by today’s standards. This was their ticket to America. They came to the United States in 1936 through the port of New Orleans. My mother was mentored by her father in the family business so she was taken out of school. She learned to speak English by reciting poetry with the family lawyer who was her first American crush. Mother and Grandfather eventually set up business in Houston where the family joined them and remained until all of their deaths 60 years later.
My mother was a badass -then or now. She never graduated from college but took college courses in accounting and languages while she worked full time and raised three kids by herself. She had no access to credit, birth control, and my dad was never forced to pay child support. There were no laws to protect her and no rights had been established. She became a US citizen and made a career in international trade. In her fifties she became the first female Vice President of an International Oil Exploration Company, could translate eight languages, speak four, and was involved in several “firsts” for our country in trade with China and Russia. She was strong, smart, and ahead of her time. She was a Doña, a woman in charge, long before American business was even thinking about women CEO’s. She never discussed women’s rights or Feminism or glass ceilings. The first and only time I heard her complain about the unfair practices in her work was when they had her train her 30 something male replacement. She did it graciously and then resigned. She immediately sold her services back to them as a consultant for three times the money and half the time.
Remembering my mother’s experience makes me cringe at these old-fashioned judgements that are still around today, buried and revealed at the same time. All you have to do is read your feed or your community’s social media responses to break-through women like Hillary. Strong women are still judged through the lens of a man’s world. They are often called ‘bossy’ and “bitchy” or “hard”. Their softness is not public. It can not be. Their heartbreaking choices are not often considered…. just the results of their endeavor.
I pray for a time where women in charge can bring it all and have the support they deserve. Soft, sexy, strong, with a mighty mind and an instinctive way of leading…. Doñas CAN have it all, Mom. Doña Dora would be proud of her great granddaughters who are all that and more. Now I am the matriarch. I’m lucky because I am old enough to have seen the changes first hand and young enough to still affect change. I am a leader and a fighter because my mother had the courage to show me how.
Talk to your mother or grandmother about what is was like for them when they were young. If you do not have a daughter, talk to someone else’s daughter. We are heading towards a world where many girls and women will be in charge. Get used to it. Embrace it. Promote it. Vote for it. Help girls and women lead like women. Don’t ask them to lead like a man.
