5 Ways To Trick People into Thinking You’re Bougie

Jane Johnsen
Nov 6 · 3 min read

In this day and age, smoke and mirrors are everything. 2019 is a literal funhouse of debt and delusion.

There’s old money, new money, and then there’s my personal fav, fake money. And as a Bad Blogger, I’m not only here for the fake money party but I’m bringing you with as my +1.

Fake money is not about how much money you have in your bank account, it’s about how much money people THINK you have. Keep them guessing. Make them wonder, “maybe she has a trust fund”, when in fact the only gold you’re hiding is the foil wrapping the handful of Rolos currently melting in your rented Louis Vuitton bag.

5 ways to Trick People into Thinking You’re Bougie:

1.Rent a designer bag on Tradesy. This is a website that sells reused designer bags for way less, AND lets you finance your purchase, with small fees each month to pay it off. You might say, “but Jane! I have student loans to pay off!” So let me ask you this, “Do your student loans bring a much-needed pop of color to your your hot friday night date look?” Didn’t think so.

OG image via Popsugar.com

2. Buy a literal inch of an actual designer product and make it a whole mood. Like this Louis Vuitton lock necklace on Etsy. People will see it hanging around your neck and think “wow, she must be an heiress. Louis Vuitton OWNS her.” But little do they know, you are simply a disguised peasant living amongst other peasants.

3. Trade your clothes at resale shops like Crossroads Trading Co. It’s a simple cycle, and so smart it should be illegal. But saving the environment is only illegal in some US states. For this to work, you need to:

OG image via sf.racked.com

4. Buy a $10 latte at whatever coffee shop is insane enough to sell you a $10 latte. Like Alfreds, for example. After all this shopping, you’re going to be tired. But you can’t sleep, because sleeping is for poor people. Instead, spend all the money you own on a fancy latte in a fancy place and soak in your surroundings. Take 1,000 photos of said latte. Make sure the lighting is good so that the intricate foam art your barista tired over photographs well. It’s important to honor his/her/they/them work, or “our” work, if it was an inspired collab. Then photoshop your photo selects and sell the latte pics on etsy as “prints” for 10x the price of the actual latte. $ip $ip, bitch.

via my IG @JaneJohnsen_

5. Stop giving a sh*t about being bougie. If you want to be bougie, start selling and trading cryptocurrency. It’s quite simply the ONLY way. But if you don’t give a sh*t about being bougie, then live a simpler life meditating in lavender fields and accept the fact that you will never make enough money to be as happy as you are right now in this very moment. If neither of these options work for you, continue to consult tips 1–4.

via my IG @JaneJohnsen_

Well, there you have it. It has been an absolute pleasure guiding you on your fake money journey. Now back to my $10 latte. $ip $ip, bitch.

xoxo, Bad Blogger

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